Soylent Green:
How it tastes varies from person to person.

Back in the 70's I watched a movie called "Soylent Green". It was set in 2022. I will not be eating fake meat.>

Roses are red,
Roses are blue,
Depending on the velocity
Relative to you.

Please do not eat in the library.
The ants will get in and learn to read and get too smart and knowledge is power, but power corrupts so they'll turn evil and take over the world.

Before we work on Artificial intelligence ...
Why don't we do something about Natural Stupidity?

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall.
It took me a moment to realize they meant "autumn", not the collapse of civilization.

Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck. Got up to check, but the mirror wasn't working.
- MooseAllain

In Star Wars anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it.
I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Keep calm and write out your psychotic tendencies as popular horror fiction.

Count Dracula was 412 when he moved to England in search of new blood.
Sauron was 54,000 years old when he forged The One Ring.
Cthulhu had seen galaxies flare into life and fade to darkness before he put madness in the minds of men.
It's never too late to follow your dreams!
- AngryRobotBooks

Homicide victims rarely talk to police.
I'm more worried about the ones that do.
Zombies: Apparently they file police reports.

Does anyone else find it weird that when 'Star Trek' boldly goes where no one has gone before, they always find someone there?

When search parties scoured the space quadrant for any evidence of the starship that had entered the Black Hole, the only thing they found was a damaged carpenter's tool, floating alone in the vacuum of space. Yes, the only evidence that the starship had ever existed was one star-mangled spanner.

People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.

Your sex robot could be hacked and programmed to kill you.
How's that different from a real girlfriend?

If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it, then how bad can it be?

What is a common myth about your country that is 100% false, but many people still believe in it?
Romania. Many people believe we have vampires, but in my 700 years of living here, I haven't even seen one.
I asked my mates back in the castle and they also haven't seen any, and they've been around for longer than I.

Myth Variation:
My housemates are convinced the place is haunted.
I’ve lived here 200 years and haven’t seen anything.

Frog: Pick me up and kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful princess.
Old man looks, picks up the frong, and stickes it in his pocket.
Frog: Aren't you going to kiss me?
Old Man: I'm 85 years old. I'd rather have a talking frog.

Don't you hate it when a zombie comes looking for brains and walks right past you?

I'm not scared of a computer passing the Turing test ...
I'm terrified of one intentionally fails it.

Astronaut 1: Hi mate, I can't find any milk for my coffee.
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.

Looking for logic in science fiction is like looking for a rhyme scheme in a cookbook. You won't find it, and you'll bugger up your souffle.

For the Gamers:
necromancer: Did you know that dinosaur skeletons in museums are usually fake casts?
museum guest: Did the internet tell you that?
necromancer: Nope, just a series of disappointing museum trips.

For the Gamers:
parent: Raising a family is hard.
necromancer: Not if they're buried close enough to each other.

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.
- Richard Pryor, 1971

Back in my day ....
Vampires sucked blood, not cock.

Don't talk about Star Wars on a first date.
It's a Wookie mistake.

Q: What do you get when one of the walking dead bites a prostitute?
A: A fucking zombie.
- Cynical Pessimist

Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearence of magic.
- Arthur C. Clarke

STAR WARS:
Q: How did Luke get around the forest moon of Endor after his speederbike crashed?
A: Ewoked.

I am not expendable, I’m not stupid, and I’m not going.
- Kerr Avon, from Blake's 7

In superhero movies, does car insurance cover the Hulk throwing my car into a spaceship?
That would be covered, but if it is hit by Thor's Hammer, then it is not covered since it is an act of god.

For the Gamers:
My car is out of alignment again.
I think right now it is "Lawful Evil."

Kid: I’m studying feudalism.
Me: Resistance is feudalism.
Kid: (blank stare).
- Nathan Fillion

In Space, No One Can Hear You Laugh

Q: What kind of ticks do you find on the moon?
A: Luna-ticks!

Q: What kind of bulbs should you plant on the moon?
A: Light bulbs!

Q: How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but the whole collective enjoys the experience!

Q: What is an astronaut's favorite meal?
A: Launch!

Q: When is a window like a star?
A: When it's a skylight!

Q: What kinds of songs do planets like to sing?
A: Nep-tunes!

Q: What kind of poem can you find in outer space?
A: Uni-verse!

Q: Why couldn't the astronaut land on the moon?
A: It was already full!

Q: What did the astronaut cook for lunch?
A: An unidentified frying object!

Q: How did the astronaut serve dinner in outer space?
A: On flying saucers!

Q: What's the best way to talk to a martian?
A: Long distance!

Q: What's a martian's normal eyesight?
A: 20-20-20!

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