Adventures Across the Luser Dimension

Anthony tells us, "Let me set the stage. This user has a very high EMQ (Employee Management Quotient). He is a real pain in the butt. I receive messages like this frequently, with demands, accusations, needs, and marching orders. I don't report to him. It was a late Sunday/early Monday Morning, when I received the e-mail; I may have been too sarcastic -- but it was cleansing for my soul. Since he cc'd the original e-mail to half the office. I blind copied the whole office with my reply."

-------Original Message------

Subject: Voice Mail
Author: Joe Smith
Date: 1/19/97 11:55 AM

There have been a number of instances, noticed by a number of people, that VM messages left in don't necessarily become available to the "addressee" until a good while after a message is left -- in some cases, hours! What gives?

---------Reply---------

Subject: Re: Voice Mail
Author: Me
Date: 1/20/97 1:11 AM

Michael...

O.K. You caught up with me finally. I'd like to confess to the real work I do on the PBX and voice system.......

There is a "special" process (or daemon) that runs on the Voice Mail machine that randomly ques messages to the "holding bin". The message selection and bin holding time is managed by a UNIX Daemon called Random-Acts(c). The message selection is based upon the number of messages processed by the Voice Mail Message Handler, as well as certain weighting factors that we can program into the machine based upon YOUR extension; e.g. we can increase/decrease the chance you are affected by the Random-Acts(c) Daemon by changing a parameter option in the Administration Screen of your voice mail extension.

The Random-Acts(c) Daemon then calculates the holding time based upon a Bell Labs algorithm that was patented back in the 50's for use by secretaries (and then Hotel Operators and even later Technical Support Desks) to figure out holding times and weighting waiting averages for messages without having to know the urgency of the message.

The efficiency of the calculation was tremendous and the process moved to the mail room and then, as technology progressed, to the voice mail system. Now we can hold, delay, reroute, delete, garble, cut short, invert, spindle, mutilate, and remove mattress tags prior to sale from voice mail 24 hours a day without having to handle each mail ourselves. Isn't technology wonderful?

Now that you have smoked me out, I guess that I will have to put your variable modifier back to 0 from -20 (which of course increased your chance of being affected. As administrator I am the only mail box that has the option of being immune to the Random-Acts(c) Daemon). However, this doesn't prevent your voice-mail box from being affected by the Consonant/Vowel Removal Process, The Volume Fluctuation Modifier, the Static Inducing Module, nor the Rare Jive Translation Virus.

I do not currently have the expertise (due to training cutbacks here at the corporate office) to manage these processes or modules. Our PBX Admin. contractor, Liz, is responsible for these areas. Please fill out a Communication Request form and e-mail it me. If the e-mail is not singled out by the E-Mail Redirection Filter, I will pass it along to the PBX Admin.

If you have any more questions please feel free to contact me.

TonyB

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