INTERNET HUMOR PAGES

Thuh Bull, Vol. 2, No. 3 - Page 14, The Women's Page

 what women say  what women mean
 We need  I want
 No, I'm not upset  Of course I'm upset, you moron!
 Go ahead, do whatever you want  You'll pay for this later, buster!
 Sure go ahead.  You better not.
 Look how nice the neighbor's yard looks  Get off your fat butt and cut the grass!
 The garbage man comes tomorrow  Take out the trash, dummy!
 My hair looks terrible  I need fifty bucks for a perm.
 I need new shoes for the wedding  My other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
 No, I am not angry  I'm livid
 The kitchen sure so inconvenient.  Buy me a new house.
 I'll be ready in a minute  Take your coat off and see if there's a good football game on TV.
 Am I fat?  Tell me how beautiful I am.
 It's your decision  Especially if you make the right one.
 Nothing is wrong  Everything is wrong.
 Let's be romatic and turn out the lights  I have fat thighs.
 Not to change the subject, but  I'm changing the subject.
 How'd you like the tuna casserole?  The wrong answer and consider me a retired cook!
 You make me sick!  You make me sick!
 How much do you love me?  Should I tell him I wrecked the car?
 Sure, sex would be nice  And just which particular month did you have in mind?
 You're so...so manly  You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
 Yes, I know there are two sides to an argument  Mine and the wrong one.
 Shopping isn't everything  But it sure beats the crap out of whatever's in second place.
 I love you  I want something.
 Yes  No
 No  Yes
 Maybe  No
 Do you love me?  I'm going to ask for something expensive.
 Does this dress make my butt look fat?  Tell me I'm beautiful.
 You have to learn to communicate.  Just shut up and agree with me.
 I'm sorry.  You'll be sorry.
 It's your decision  The correct decision should be obvious by now
 You're certainly attentive tonight.  Is sex all you ever think about?
 Be romantic, turn out the lights.  I have flabby thighs.
 I want new curtains.  and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
 Hang the picture there.  NO, I mean hang it there!
 I heard a noise.  I noticed you were almost asleep.
 How much do you love me?  I did something today you're really not going to like.
 Are you listening to me!?  Too late, you're dead.
 Was that the baby?  Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.
 I'm not yelling!  Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important.
 We need to talk  You're in trouble
 We need to talk  I need to complain!
 I don't want to talk about it...  Go away, I'm building up steam!

from other sources (I don't remember)

 what women say  what women mean  what women mean
 The Answer To What's Wrong?  The same old thing.  Nothing.
 The Answer To What's Wrong?  Nothing.  Everything.
 The Answer To What's Wrong?  Everything.  My PMS is acting up.
 The Answer To What's Wrong?  Nothing, really.  It's just that you're such an asshole.

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