You might be a Redneck if...

You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.

You can't get married to your best girl friend because there's a law against it.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.

A couple of your kids were born on a pool table.

Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."

Your junior / senior prom offered day care.

You consider the fifth grade your senior year.

You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at dinner table in front of her kids.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You've ever given rat traps as gifts.

You clean your fingernails with a stick.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.

You keep a can of Raid on your kitchen table.

You ever got too drunk to fish.

Directions to your house include, "Turn off the paved road."

The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

You think a "thesaurus" was a dinosaur.

You prefer car keys to Q-Tips.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.

You've ever bought a used hat.

Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."

You're considered an expert on worm beds.

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

"Bambi" made you hungry for rabbit.

The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You learned to drive in a monster truck.

You spit chewing tobacco in the plants.

You believe books are bad luck.

You believe all-star wrestling should be an Olympic competition.

You believe all-star wrestling.

You recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck.

You think the last words of the "Star-spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk.

Rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you "bring your own."

Your horse trailer doubles as your families travel trailer.

You judge a trips drive time solely by the number of beers you need to take.

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."

You see a sign that says "Say No To Crack," and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

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