You May Be A Liberal If ...

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you believe if your heart is in the right place, your hands can go anywhere.

you believe religion belongs behind closed doors, but your sex life should be paraded down the street for everyone to see.

you believe in biological gender, but you march for womens's rights.

you believe every woman has the right to be believed, but you refuse to believe women who were raped by Bill Clinton, beaten by Keith Ellison, groped by Cory Booker or killed by Ted Kennedy.

you believe in man-made climate change, but you refuse to live like the Amish as an example to the rest of humanity.

you believe we shouldn’t laugh at kids who believe in Santa, but still believe the Democrats are honest.

you believe Democrats can clean up the earth and environment, but they haven't even cleaned up their own district and streets.

you believe you don't have the right to open your business or go to work, but protestors (rioters) have the RIGHT to burn down or loot other people's businesses for justice!

you believe Coronavirus is as fatal and scary as the left says it is, buy you don't think we need biohazard bins for us to discard our masks and gloves.

you believe in equal rights, but also support "women's rights," "gay rights," etc.,

you believe transgender children know what sex they are, but believe that gender is a social construct.

you support leftist professors who supress free speech and thought while teaching diversity, but claim that the same leftist professors would slaughter minority students if given guns.

you don't mind that millions of illegal aliens voted for your candidate, but are terrified that legal voters might be convinced to vote against your candidate.

you think Congress needs to call on Tide to change the design of the pods so teenagers woul stop eating them, but think teenagers should determine gun policy.

you think guns are bad, but want the police to be the only ones allowed to carry guns.

you believe that walls don't stop alien invaders, but bigoted racist cops who oppress minorities stop crime.

you believe we need big government because people are too stupid to run their own lives, but the stupid people are smart enough to vote for the elites who want to control them.

you believe that Donald Trump being elected President of the United States is the worst thing that could ever happen, but don't think beheadings, stabbings, suicide bombings, raping of women and children by Muslims is anywhere near as bad.

you believe in human rights, except where they conflict with Sharia Law.

you believe that Donald Trump is literally Hitler, but you support gun control because only Hitler should own or have access to guns.

you think that states, counties, and cities should not be penalized for defying Federal law on illegal aliens, but the elected officials should be imprisoned if they won't obey Federal laws on abortion and gay marriage.

you believe Barack Hussein Obama when he says we must ban all assault weapons because Federal background checks simply don't work, but you believe him when he says don't worry about 100,000 Muslim refugees because they're all getting Federal background checks.

you praise the Nazi extermination of the Jews, but believe that there were no Nazi extermination camps.

you think we need to ban all guns to prevent one mass killing, but don't want to ban Muslims to prevent the daily slaughter of men, women and children.

you think calling all Muslims terrorists is bigoted and hateful, but see nothing wrong with calling all police racist bigots.

you think your narrative is so important that it is acceptable to lie and slander republicans, but you believe that truthfully reporting on democrats crimes is hate speech.

you think that getting 4 traffic tickets in 17 years is a scandal, but leaving $25 million off a tax return is an acceptable minor oversight.

you think that owing money for a student loan or a mortgage is a henious crime, but while being secretary of state and accepting millions of dollars from foreign influence peddlars is a non-issue.

you think the right to free speech applies only to people with your views but not to "insane conservatives," religious leaders or "crazy gun nuts."

you believe in free speech for everyone, but not for people who disagree with you.

you believe in everyone is good, but not the people who disagree with you.

you are a white male, but believe all the problems in the world are caused by white males.

you think that Mitt Romney maintaining profiles of women he wants to hire is oppressive of women, but Muslims who sell 12 year old girls as wives or kill single females for appearing in public with single men is not oppressive of women.

you think that asking for a picture ID to vote is racist, but asking for a picture ID to to cash a check, drive a car, fly on a plane, apply for a job, collect welfare, ... is not racist.

you believe that creating suffering and misery is okay if you have good intentions, but if someone has what you consider bad intentions and it creates prosperity and happiness it is bad.

you believe that drawing Muhammad is offensive to the faithful and whoever does that must be punished, but believe that pissing on Jesus or throwing dung at the Virgin Mary is a perfectly acceptable expressions of free speech.

you are offended by someone flying the American flag in America, but enjoy seeing the flags of Mexican and other countries flown in America.

you don't know who to blame when a white woman is raped by a black man. After all, it can't be the rapists fault because of of his lifetime exposure to joblessnes, poverty, despair, hopelessness, and racism.

much like Obama you think all laws must be obeyed and enforced, except for the laws you don't want to obey and enforce.

you supported Obama, but claim that no Republican candidate has the experience necessary to be President.

you think that all minorities need special privlidges because they are incapable of applying for identification or competing against white males, but think that a Republican who agrees with you is a racist.

believe the Constitution is a living document that evolves with the times when discussing the freedom of the press when you want to slander conservatives via twitter, blogs, radio and television, but you think it is frozen in the 18th century when talking about the right to bear arms, meaning it only applies to ownership of firearms that existed at that time (flintlock pistols and rifles).

believe that for Democrats to change the law all they need to do is re-interpret it, but if Republicans want to change the law they need to go through the legislature.

live in a gated community for protection, but think fences won't protect our border.

- Cynical Pessimist

you think 18 years old is too young to buy a gun, but 5 years old is old enough to decide your own gender,

you think "progressive" means progress.

you believe FDR's New Deal ended the Great Depression.

you think that bowing by an American President is sign of respect not weakness.

you think Sarah Palin is more of a threat to 'women's rights' than is Sharia Law.

you repeatedly apologize on behalf of others but never on behalf of yourself.

you say you support the troops but really hope they lose the war.

you cannot imagine a Hispanic voting Republican.

you think English as a Second Language should be taught to all US school children.

you think partial birth abortion is good for America!

you believed Speaker Nancy Pelosi when she said unemployment creates jobs, jobs, jobs.

you believe that Speaker Nancy Pelosi actually drained the swamp.

you believe in Santa Claus but NOT tax cuts.

you think that Barack Obama is actually a leader and not a reader.

you shout RACIST™ at anyone winning a debate with a Liberal.

you lecture on the dangers of Global Warming whilst flying your own private jet.

you have no problem with Hollywood movie stars flying around in private jets to give speeches on the evils of Global Warming.

your profile states you are Jewish, but your avatar is pro-Hamas.

you think treating all people equally, regardless of race, is racist.

you believe Fundamentalist Christians are more dangerous than Islamist Terrorists.

you support Illegal Immigration because criminals vote for Democrats.

you think you can tax a nation into prosperity.

you think up is down, black is white, and Totalitarianism is freedom.

you are so open-minded that your brain has fallen out of your numb skull.

you think you are entitled to what other people earn.

you think Barack Obama and Jeremiah Wright are practicing Christians but Glenn Beck is not a Christian.

you think Muslims are patriotic, peace loving Americans, and that is an horrific slander to think that Barack Obama is one.

you believe any criticism of President Obama is racist, but insults and threats directed at President Bush made you laugh.

electric car drivers are big news in your town, but possible fraud and ineligibility on the part of the president of the United States is a non-story.

you think the price of gasoline is too high, but you will fight tooth and nail to prevent the development of new oil resources.

you believe cutting taxes on large businesses is wrong, but spending hundreds of billions of dollars on anti-pollution programs that don’t work is mandatory.

of the billions of tons of carbon dioxide produced on Earth each year, you believe only the ten-thousandth of 1 percent that is produced by humans is affecting the Earth’s climate.

you think property damage, squatting on public property and violence on behalf of the Occupy Wall Street movement is OK, but a Tea Party event that respectfully protests taxes and unconstitutional government is dangerous.

you think tapping terrorist cell phones was a civil rights violation, but being anally probed by TSA at airports is just an accepted part of air travel.

you believe pornography is protected speech, but public professions of faith should be banned.

you believe that a venture firm CEO is doing his job if he keeps failing businesses open.

you believe the big money in the investment capital business is shutting down bankrupt businesses and selling their assets.

you think employees of money-losing businesses have the right to demand that investors keep them on the payroll.

you have never skipped a paycheck to ensure that your employees are paid on time.

you criticize Mitt Romney for having a grandfather who lived among polygamists (even though his grandfather had only one wife) but think Obama's bigamist father and polygamist grandfather are irrelevant.

you think the law of supply and demand affects all prices except that of oil and gasoline.

you think Vice-President Joe Biden is smarter than former VP Dick Cheney.

you think the governor who tried to keep nine black students out of a high school in Arkansas (The Little Rock Nine) was a Republican and the president who sent the Army to escort them into school was a Democrat.

you think Obama should claim credit for increased domestic oil production despite his three-year record of doing everything he could to reduce it.

you think investigators who concluded that Obama's Hawaii birth certificate is a forgery must be wrong because they are conservatives.

you don't demand to know why Obama's Social Security card was issued for a resident of Connecticut, a state where he never lived.

you think Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona is unqualified to lead an investigation of Obama's U.S. citizenship though he worked for 25 years as an investigator for the Drug Enforcement Administration.

you thought Bush's college grades were a matter of national concern but accept Obama's secrecy over his college papers.

you think Sunday talk shows are balanced when a token conservative is filibustered by three or four liberals, including the host.

you care about racial diversity in the major news media but don't care that 90 percent of their reporters vote Democrat.

you support politicians who want to put coal miners, military personnel and oil field workers on unemployment but hate politicians who want to get rid of overpaid bureaucrats.

you call raising taxes "investing in our future" unless the money is spent on the military.

you think it's OK to ban schools from holding bake sales to raise money because the government has a duty to enforce dieting.

you praise Hillary Clinton for eschewing makeup but think Republican women who wear ordinary clothes are frumpy.

you praise Bill Clinton for his greatest accomplishment — welfare reform — but hate Republicans for fighting Obama's "wealth redistribution."

you cite his fancy garage as proof that Mitt Romney is out of touch but thought nothing of John Kerry's multiple mansions worth $33 million.

you were upset with the money Sarah Palin spent on her wardrobe but see nothing wrong with Michelle Obama's spending twice as much.

you oppose a fence on our southern border but live in a gated community.

you think churches should not be exempt from taxes.

your chief argument for opposing oil extraction in the Arctic 10 years ago was that it would take too long — 10 years — to produce oil.

you see Obama's Harvard degree as evidence of vastly superior intelligence, but you think Bush is an idiot though he's the only president to have earned an M.B.A. (from Harvard).

you think conservatives are racists for opposing Obama's radical socialism.

you think Christians are a bigger threat than radical Islamist fascists.

you think the media should not run pix reminding us of what terrorists did on 9-11 but excuse pix of our soldiers posing with dead suicide bombers.

you have the hair and beard of Jesus and the work ethic of the town drunk.

you're against people who intimidate at polling places unless they're New Black Panthers.

your views are constantly evolving when you lack courage to take a stand.

you think George Clooney, Roseann Barr, Sean Penn and Barbra Streisand know more about the military, taxes and the economy than any Republican.

you call for respectful dialogue, then call Republicans "Nazis," "baby killers," "war criminals," "rich white men who want dirty air and dirty water," "sluts," "imbeciles" and "flat earthers."

you pour blood on women wearing fur but cry foul when pro-lifers show pictures of a murdered fetus to women considering abortion.

you think we should have believed Saddam Hussein but we should not believe Ahmadinejad.

you get your news from the Comedy Central and Saturday Night Live.

you oppose racial hatred but practice class hatred.

you think anybody with a job is rich.

you think you're charitable by taking my money to pay for your programs.

you think conservatives are racists for opposing Obama's radical socialism.

you look just like all the other nonconformists you idolize.

you thank the lamestream media for refusing to run pictures of people jumping off the Twin Towers while excusing them for running pictures of Americans posing with dead suicide bombers.

you like giving billions of tax dollars to failing solar panel companies but want to tax successful oil companies out of business.

you aborted your baby but want to saddle my baby with your debts.

your chief goal is to get a bigger check from the government.

you think the lamestream media is unbiased.

you have ever arranged to get yourself laid off so that you could beach bum, ski or go fishing on unemployment checks.

you think Obama's college documents should be private but Mitt Romney's tax returns should be public.

you believed candidate Obama when he said he opposed gay marriage.

you think taxpayers are not paying their fair share if their tax rate is higher than yours.

you think it's OK to call Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and Ann Coulter sluts but wrong to call a slut a slut.

you think a 10 percent return is an obscene profit for the oil industry but a 15 percent tax on oil companies is low.

you don't want your daughter "punished with a baby."

you think the Democrats can choose my charities better than I can.

you hate SUVs but love Chevy Volts.

you call yourself open-minded but won't watch Fox News or Hannity and won't tune into Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham, Michael Savage or any other conservative talk show.

Jerry Springer supports your candidates.

you are 30 years old and live in your mother's basement.

you think we can solve our nation's debt problems by borrowing more money.

you want higher taxes on everybody else but refuse to pay more taxes voluntarily.

prostitutes, strippers, pornographers, drug dealers and deadbeats oppose the same candidates you hate.

you signed a mortgage you know you can't afford and then blame the bank.

you don't believe in God or Jesus but curse by invoking their names.

you have chained yourself to a bulldozer to prevent it from thinning pinyon-juniper cover for improved wildlife habitat.

you spent more on your pet's wardrobe than you donated to charity in an entire year.

you think you're smarter than Karl Rove, Marco Rubio, Rush Limbaugh, George Bush, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Condoleeza Rice.

you know nothing about Thomas Paine or Alexander Hamilton but everything about Kim Kardsashian.

you consider yourself open to other cultures except the culture of the Bible Belt.

you honor and respect the sacred places and religious practices of voodoo worshippers, native Americans, Muslims, Wicaans and New Age worshippers but despise and mock those of Protestants, Mormons and Catholics.

you hyphenated your last name with that of your spouse.

you think I must accept your opinions to show tolerance while you shout me down or call me a name usually reserved for genitalia.

you were disappointed when Dick Cheney got a heart transplant.

you think freedom of religion means freedom from religion.

you think Mitt Romney wasn't paying his fair share when he paid the federal income $10 million in taxes.

you still consider Obama a uniter rather than a divider.

"In God We Trust" on U.S. coins offends you.

your legs are hairier than your boyfriend's.

you believe Bill Clinton that he smoked marijuana but never inhaled.

you think stay-at-home moms never had a real job.

you hate capitalism but want a capitalist to give you a job.

you are among the 50 percent of Americans who pay no federal income tax.

you think everybody but you should be forced to drive a glorified golf cart.

you oppose highway projects funded by gas taxes paid by drivers, yet you favor mass transit projects that are built with tax money taken involuntarily from citizens who always drive.

you call me names for sticking to facts.

you believe that People for the American Way believe in what made America great.

you think standardized tests are racist but racial quotas are not.

you resort to calling your opponent a racist when you're losing a debate.

you like governmental programs that make you feel good even when you know they don't work.

you think that the top 10 percent of income earners aren't paying enough taxes when they pay 73 percent of total income tax revenues.

you think Obama is the most intelligent president in history.

you want George Zimmerman lynched before his trial.

you hate capitalism because you can't get a job for your tattoos and fluorescent green mohawk.

Howard Stern, Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt share your views.

you think a good investment of your tax money is to fund green companies that can't compete in the open market.

you apologize for America's wars to defeat despots who take away freedom.

you never did your own research and thinking on what your leftist professors told you.

you never read news that make conservatives look good or liberals look bad because your only newspaper is The New York Times and your only magazine is Newsweek.

when tallying the innocent lives lost in Iraq, you include only those accidentally killed by Americans and not the hundreds of thousands intentionally murdered by Saddam and his thugs.

the only windows in your church are openings between the trees.

you think "An Inconvenient Truth" deserved an Oscar.

you think paying more than $200,000 a year to a school district superintendent will help Johnny read.

you think the Ice Age ended because cavemen's fires raised carbon levels and caused global warming.

you believe Dan Rather's forged documents on George Bush's military service.

you think prisons should have racial quotas.

you think marijuana is a beneficial herb.

you think Republicans want dirty air and polluted water.

you poohpooh Christianity but promote witchcraft and earth worship.

you think corporate profits are bad but corporate taxes are good.

you think drinking bottled water will save endangered gorillas.

you dispute a judge's findings that "An Inconvenient Truth" contained at least nine major falsehoods.

you call Columbus a genocidal maniac but Che a noble leader.

you think socialism will work if we give it another try.

you agree with Obama cabinet member Anita Dunn that mass murderer Mao Tse Tung is a philosopher worthy of admiration and respect.

you think illegal drugs should be legalized and fattening foods should be banned.

you blame the United States for the cruelty of Christopher Columbus even though he died 270 years before the Declaration of Independence.

you wear a bull ring in your nose and tribal plugs in your ears.

you think it's OK to kick kids out of school for wearing a U.S. flag shirt on Cinco de Mayo.

you worry more about criminal rights than victim rights.

you're ashamed to wear a U.S. flag label pin.

you'll quote a single doctor that cocaine and heroin are harmless if taken in "moderation" but think that millions of doctors who disagree are uninformed demagogues.

you think Steve Jobs deserved his wealth while other CEOs do not.

you never find out what news isn't covered by the New York Times or the major networks.

you think millionaires should pay a higher tax rate instead of reducing the tax rate of their secretaries.

you call U.S. soldiers baby killers but support doctors who slice and dice or suck the brains out of babies about to be born.

you want to legalize marijuana but outlaw tobacco.

you think the government should supply Korans to inmates but should keep Bibles out of the reach of schoolchildren.

you call Lincoln a racist even though he emancipated the slaves.

you think sanctions on rogue nations, after 40 years of accomplishing nothing, will work this time.

you hate NASCAR but love hybrids.

you think animals have human rights, but you wear leather shoes.

you think Obama is well deserving of the Nobel Peace prize even after he invaded Libya and had Osama bin Laden shot on sight rather than captured even though he was unarmed.

you think the Berlin Wall kept West Germans from escaping.

you think Al Qaeda should be allowed to recruit but the U.S. military should not.

you believe sexual accusations against Clarence Thomas but not those against Bill Clinton.

you support a woman's right to choose unless she chooses to have a baby or give it up for adoption.

you think criminals should get sure and swift punishment by being forced to see a counselor one hour a month (except for racists, who should get life).

you hate rich people but love the Kennedys, John Kerry, Barack Obama, Jesse Jackson and Warren Buffet.

you're happy to see thousands of jobs cut in military arms factories but celebrate the hundreds of "not so shovel ready" jobs created by Obama's deficit spending.

you won't risk your life to print a cartoon of Muhammad but deride what Mormons hold sacred.

you object to nativity scenes but support public funding for artists who produce "artwork" defaming Jesus Christ.

you think artwork of the Ten Commandments should be banned from courthouses (including the Supreme Court building), but public schools should be forced to teach your morals.

you think patriotism is a dirty word.

you think rioters in France are African-American.

you think America should defend itself from terrorists as long as it doesn't kill them without the approval of France and Russia.

you think bigotry is wrong unless the victim is white, Christian, Mormon or conservative.

you hate Juan Williams for being afraid when Muslims get on his plane.

you admire Obama for refusing to say that his Super PAC should return $1 million from Bill Maher for calling successful conservative women nasty names.

you admire Ed Schultz for saying he saw "abolutely nothing wrong" with Secret Service agents hiring prostitutes.

you think diversity is good in the mass news media as long as there are no conservative reporters.

you think the federal government should take money from American workers to support foreign governments.

you oppose people who eat the deer they kill but eat the cattle that others kill.

you support multiple use on public land as long as it does not include activities you don't like.

you think the government should pay for your state's symphony ochestra so that you can afford to listen to it once every five years.

you think Obama is willing to compromise when he accuses Republicans of refusing to compromise.

you think teaching morality in schools is evil but requiring students to read "Daddy has a husband" is good.

you think the U.S. should return the Southwest to Mexico, which stole it from the Indians.

you think Republicans, not Democrats, blocked civil rights legislation in the '50s and '60s.

you oppose involving parents in teenagers' decision to have abortions.

you think people should be allowed to commit suicide but not to eat fast food.

you can't see racism in rap songs about killing white folks.

you were opposed to Hollywood's blackballing of communists but love the mainstream media's blackballing of conservative journalists.

you think the TSA should randomly perform intensive and invasive searches of 75-year-old women in wheelchairs they're not giving extra scrutiny to young Arab "tourists" with one-way tickets.

you think black Americans should receive reparations for slavery from people who hate slavery and who have no ancestors who owned slaves.

you think women should not listen to their husbands but should listen to liberal feminists.

you think you should force school children to eat food that you consider healthful but parents should not give children apple juice or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

you think cow farts are melting the ice caps.

you blame society for the actions of criminals and want to punish society by letting criminals go free.

you think the best way to reduce the poverty gap is to put the middle class closer to poverty instead of helping the poor get jobs.

you think glaciers growing in the Himalayas are the result of global warming.

you think the culprit in the Clinton-Lewinsky affair was the woman who revealed the blue dress.

you believe Democrats who say Republicans have not proposed any solutions.

you think Obama shows true patriotism by refusing to place his hand over his heart when the flag is raised.

you voted for Obama because he said he would close the Guantanamo terrorist prison but support him for keeping it open.

you think Occupy Wall Street has a legitimate complaint when the group refuses to take an official stand on anything.

you don't mind Obama's communist and socialist advisers.

you think the Rev. Jeremiah Wright started his anti-white, anti-American racist rants only after Obama attended his services for 20 years.

you think Obama finally chose a church 25 years ago because the Rev. Jeremiah Wright would lead him to Christ.

you think your first amendment rights are threatened if people criticize your ideas.

you say America should conquer its addiction to foreign oil but oppose nuclear power, hydroelectric dams, coal-fired electric generators, drilling for more oil in the U.S. and any source that can realistically power the country.

you think copies of Obama's Hawaiian birth certificate are real while copies of his Kenyan birth certificate are fake.

you don't believe Obama's African grandmother that she remembers when Barrack was born in Kenya.

you think Obama won't let people see his school transcripts because he's modest.

you think bureaucrats know more about how to teach your children about sex than you do.

you support distributing free condoms to elementary and middle school students.

you think "all men are created equal" means they should get equal pay for unequal work.

you think Obama is the fourth best president ever.

you vote for members of Congress who voted for Obamacare before they read it.

you think communists should be able to say whatever they want in public universities but that conservative talk show hosts should be banned.

you honor and respect the sacred places and religious practices of voodoo worshippers, native Americans, Muslims, wiccans and New Age worshippers but despise and mock those of Protestants, Mormons and Catholics.

you want Christmas trees renamed holiday trees or banned from public view but tell those who object to pornography to look the other way.

you find the right to commit sodomy in the Constitution but can't find the right to bear arms or my right to practice religion without interference from you.

you would rather see deer starve rather than allow hunters to keep their numbers in balance with their food supply.

you think that in areas where whites are minorities, they deserve no minority protections.

you think Obama merely misspoke when he said he had visited 57 states, while Dan Quayle was stupid for misspelling "potatoes," or was it "potatos"?

you admire President Obama for expanding the pool of prospective employees but thought 4% unemployment under George Bush was too high.

you automatically vote against candidates endorsed by the NRA or the Tea Party but support candidates who are favored by the Communist Party, socialists or Al Qaeda.

you think the United States should give back lands it won in the war with Mexico, but Robert Mugabe should keep the ranches he stole from white farmers.

you support anybody who rebels against democracy but oppose any group that rebels against vicious dictators who repress their people and violate human rights.

you think the Obama administration is the most transparent in history.

you think our best and most moral presidents were FDR, JFK and Clinton, while you hate and distrust our presidents who have never been accused of cheating on their wives.

you think capitalism causes poverty.

you think communism is fair because people can't earn extra by doing extra work or better work.

you don't want Christians to impose their morality on you, but you think you should impose your morality on them.

you think there's no such thing as right and wrong except to believe there's such a thing as right and wrong.

you think a stay-at-home mom "never worked a day in her life."

you think it's wrong to award a Little League trophy to the first place team.

you like presidents who will negotiate with terrorists but refuse to compromise with Republicans.

you can't tell the difference between a balanced news report and a conservative opinion.

you think the only balanced news shows the liberal viewpoint and the left-wing radical viewpoint.

you think a conservative guest on a liberal talk show should never have the last word.

you dispute facts but never theories.

you call conservatives names because their viewpoint differs from your own.

you think public schools should help students get abortions without notifying parents.

you think home invaders should not be shot.

you support Obama's threats to rogue nations only if the consequence is more threats.

you think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism.

you named your children Moonglow and Arizona.

you think the really alarming violence takes place "outside" the abortion clinic.

you've ever referred to the "root cause" of something.

you pray to "The Woman Upstairs."

you think we never gave peace a chance.

you had to be told that "Manhattan," "menopause" and "boycott" were not sexist words

you begin sentences with the words "I feel."

your driver's license has a hyphen because for you one last name just isn't enough.

you think OJ Simpson is really looking for the "real killers".

you think it takes a village.

you think that the words "to promote the general welfare" in the Constitution mean to promote welfare generally.

you think that, even though more people voted against him than for him in both the 1992 and the 1996 presidential elections, Bill Clinton had a mandate.

you think that conservatives, like preservatives, ought to be federally regulated.

you ever wore earth shoes.

you have ever wondered out loud, "Why can't we all just get along?"

you think the "New York Times" prints all the news that's fit.

you think that Rush Limbaugh is just an entertainer.

you spent Columbus Day reading "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee."

you reach the limits of your talent and then complain that you ran into a glass ceiling.

you wear more ribbons on your lapel than in your hair.

you blame the Unabomber's parents.

you fail to see the connection between Lenin and Lennon.

you have ever agreed with Alec Baldwin or Rosie O'Donnell.

you are very intolerant of people who don't agree with your ideas of what constitutes tolerance.

you are against the War on Terror, but are only too happy to make millions of dollars by making movies about it.

you preach about the evils of Capitalism from the comfort of your Beverly Hills estate.

you cry about "profiterring corporations", but still demand your weekly paycheck.

you think "rich people" are evil, but are willing to over-look the fact that Ted Kennedy, Bill Clinton, George Soros, Michael Moore, and Al Franken are "rich", as well.

you scream and shout when innocent civilians are accidentally caught in the cross-fire, but remain silent when terrorists kill them on purpose.

you think claim a higher moral ground in opposing the death penalty, but celebrate killing of innocent un-born babies.

you think America deserved 9/11.

you think the troops are "war criminals", but a thug who killed somebody in cold blood is just a "victim of society".

you think you can give a dollar to somebody, without first having to take it from somebody elsed.

you think Ted Kennedy knows how to manage your money, better than you do.

you think "tolerance" is reserved for those who share your opinions, views, and ideals.

you think the name of God/Jesus should be banned and censored, except when spoken in profanity.

you refuse to allow a child to carry a Bible to school, but demand that schools make special provisions to accommodate a non-Christian's religious beliefs.

you whine about religious leaders involvment in politics, but only when the Reverend's name is Robertson...not Jackson or Sharpton.

you support radical Judges who interpret what they "think" the Constitution means, instead of what it actually says.

you think the meaning and definition of the Constitution should change, based on your own feelings or opinions.

you constantly cry about defense spending, but scream when bases in your areas are closed.

you think Greenpeace and the Earth Liberation Front burning down SUV dealerships or torching chemical plants "help" the enviroment.

you support low-income housing, until they start to build in your neighborhood.

you think the term "illegal alien" is a bad word.

you believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

you believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

you think the only thing wrong with the forged Rather Memo, was people refused to believe it.

you think girls should be allowed to go to an all-boy school, but not the other way around.

you support welfare for illegal immigrants who don't pay taxes, anyway.

you think Fox News distorts the truth, but Dan Rather reports "honest journalism".

you complain that we never give peace a chance.

you are asked about your favorite Marx Brother, and the first one to come to mind is Karl.

you think NPR is the only really fair and balanced news source.

you think race riots are acceptable.

you think racial hatred is wrong, but "class hatred" is acceptable.

you think that every misbehaving child has ADD and needs to be doped-up on Ritalin.

you think lawsuits that deny any personal responsibility on the part of the plantiff is justified.

you think the best way to deal with terrorist regimes is to please and appease them.

you are opposed to a military presence in Europe, unless it's to bail out France.

you would rather defend Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Saddam and Castro before you defend the US.

you constantly equate Conservatives to the likes of Hilter as your only defense.

you believe 1 + 1 = 2, or 3, or 4...or whatever it takes to protect the child's self-esteem.

you think that porn should be federally protected per Freedom of Speech, but public profession of Faith should be outlawed.

you think we should have given Saddam 12 more years, and then 12 more on top of that, if he didn't comply by then.

you think if a person makes more than $50,000/year, then he/she is cheating people and ripping them off.

you think being able to play the President on a popular TV drama automatically equates to "political wisdom" in real life.

you scream and shout about Christians ramming their beliefs upon you, but you say nothing when Athiests do the same.

you think that poverty is caused by the wealthy.

you think the ACLU really gives a damn about individual rights.

you think the Dixie Chicks and Tim Robbins should say what they want, but O'reilly, Hannity, and Limbaugh should be censored.

you screamed and shouted when Ah-Nold allegedly groped women, but cheered when Bill Clinton did the same.

you are against sexual harrasment except when committed by a Kennedy or a Clinton.

you object to little old ladies wearing fur, but not bikers wearing leather.

you think the Middle East crisis can only be solved once Israel is wiped off the map.

you believe the Bible is racist, sexist, and homophobic, but think the Koran should be required reading.

you consider the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but dangerous fanatics when trying to promote pro-life.

you think a lawyer taking 33% from a settlement for his services is fair, but the Government taking 33% of your paycheck for taxes is "too low".

you find Christianity and anything relating to it potentially harmful to you and your children, but you're completely open-minded to Witchcraft, occult-ism, mysticism, etc.

you think having an open-mind means being "pro-Gay", "pro-Abortion", "anti-Christian", "anti-Business", and "anti-Conservative".

you think only white people can be racist.

you think that tax cuts hurt poor people and are uncompassionate but taking 30% from their paychecks is compassionate.

you believe that posting the "Ten Commandments" in schools will hurt the children, but promoting homosexuality and paganism "helps" the children.

you think the answer to ANY crime no matter how henious or serious, is counseling.

you only watch "All in The Family", because Meathead made so much sense.

you think Rush Limbaugh and Michael Reagan are mean spirited racists and promote hate crime but Maxine Waters, John Conyers and Louis Farakahn aren't and don't.

you think that Doctors should be made into government bureaucrats, but that lawyers should not.

you think O.J. is actually innocent, but that Bernard Goetz is not.

you are against censorship unless it's censoring race, Christianity, Conservatism, Western culture, Rush Limbaugh, or Ann Coulter.

you make snide remarks about guys who look at women, but champion Clinton's right to do whatever he wants with his interns.

you think that the four cops who beat Rodney King should have been thrown in jail forever, but the four thugs who beat Reginald Denny should get just a slap on the wrist.

you get mad when rape victims' sexual history is plastered all over the news media, but demand Paula Jones' sexual history "must be made public".

you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death because he is a minority or gay and you rally about punishing the bigot who committed the terrible act BUT, if you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death for his money, and you start talking about the poor disadvantaged person who is forced to commit such acts to survive.

you think that pouring blood on a $1,500 fur coat is a sure-fire way to get your message across, but if anyone protests outside an abortion clinic, they're the extremists!

you think hunters don't care about the enviroment, but wacky Seattle folks who have never stepped foot outside of their local Starbucks, do.

you think it takes a village, instead of parents, to raise a child.

you think tolerance of your opinions and acceptance of your opinions go hand-in-hand.

you believe that doctors are over-paid, but ambulance-chasing lawyers are not.

you slam Ah-Nold for his father having alleged ties to the Nazi when you have a known and un-apologetic Klansman and public anti-Semite in your own company (Sen. Byrd).

you think Ah-Nold should not be in politics because he's "just a celebrity", but you would have endorsed Martin Sheen, Sean Penn and company based on that sole criteria.

you scream and shout over alleged "violence" in Mel Gibson's "The Passion", yet you ran to see "Kill Bill", "Freddy VS. Jason" , "The Texas Chainsaw Massacure" and play "Unreal" and "Duke Nuke'em", "Grand Theft Auto", etc. and said nothing about the violence portrayed in those.

you think Hollywood can say or do no wrong and should be treated as such.

you think a child who is quietly and privately saying Grace before a meal at school, constitue the said child ramming his/her beliefs upon others.

you turn a blind eye to the suicide bombings at the hands of radical fanatics, but condemn Israel and the Western World for wanting to keep their people safe from Terrorism.

you think if Sean Penn or Martin Sheen said so, it should be revered as holy scripture.

you cheered and applauded when Clinton stated he "smoked pot but never inhaled" and at the same time, screamed and shouted when Rush Limbaugh admitted to being addicted to LEGALLY OBTAINED MEDICATION.

you think Freedom of Speech is reserved for those who think as you do, but not for anybody else.

you ban the Bible in schools because of Church/State, then welcome Islamic and New-Age, and other religion teachings in the same school.

you think every problem can be solved by simply throwing money at it.

you think more taxes are an ecomomic cure-all.

you think Freedom of Speech and agreeing with what is being said go hand-in-hand.

you think everything wrong in the world is automatically Bush's fault and everything right in the world is automatically because of Clinton.

you feel people should "share the wealth" (as long as your money is not the one being "shared").

you think that being a Hollywood icon automatically means you are more "in tune" to world events than the leaders of the country.

you complain about the SUVs and other less-econmical cars, yet you parade around in a 5-mile-per-gallon limo.

you think that you can understand politics from Hollywood and activist celebrities without doing any research yourself.

you ban Tom Sawyer from schools for being "racist" but you approve of My Two Moms as wholesome and acceptable.

you think every solution to every problem can be solved with bigger Government.

you think people should be rewarded for laziness, but hard-working people should be taxed dry.

you frown upon self-thought and independent thought.

you think convicted criminals and democratic politicians who screw up are worth understanding and forgiving but conservative politicians and religious people who speak their opinion should be banned from public service.

you think that tolerance equals acceptance and anyone who doesn't accept a liberal cause is a racist or bigot.

you throw down the "race card" as your only argument.

you think terrorists and arsonists who burn down private property and harass businesses are noble but the troops who liberated Iraqis are war criminals.

you think that violent protests and domestic terrorism are how you affect change in our country instead of voting.

you believe people are owed restitution for injuries inflicted on their long-dead ancestors.

you find charisma to be an appropriate replacement for honesty.

you find flashy rhetoric to be a suitable substitute for sincerity.

you don't believe willful omissions of facts should be considered lying.

you have a problem with the mention of God in the Pledge of Allegiance, but have no qualms about it being printed on your wonderful money.

you simultaneously piss on our country and its system while reaping its rewards.

you refuse to acknowledge any contributions to society that were not made by minorities.

you continue to trash America, claiming how horrible and evil it is, yet you refuse to leave.

you think Yassar Arrafat was deserving of the Nobel Peace Prize.

you believe that people should not have to be expected to take responsibility for their actions.

you believe mothers who are drug addicts should be allowed to have children and to raise them while they're addicted.

you believe Capitalism oppresses people and Socialism liberates people.

you think the Governnment should provide "entitlement" programs, rather than expect us to earn what we have.

you refuse to lift a finger to save an unborn baby but at the same time, rush to the aid and defense of violent serial-felons on death row.

you try to make excuses on behalf of terrorism.

you believe in choice except when it comes to retirement, schools, health care, and religious speech.

you think Clinton was an "honest and virtuous man".

you believe that unwed teenage mothers should get a paycheck from the Government.

you ignore more than 50 years of medical warnings about tobacco use, but when you get cancer, the tobacco company is to blame.

you think society "owes you a living".

you believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

you believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

you believe that hetrosexuality is a learned behavior, but homosexuality is normal and natural.

you somehow think that a President who lied under oath, compromised with fanatical dicators, and gave military technology to hostile regimes is somehow better for America than the present Administration.

you believe that 9/11 was an "Israeli conspiracy" and could never have been carried out by Bin Laden or his croonies.

you want to legalize drugs but outlaw tobacco.

you want what you feel "you deserve", instead of what you earn.

you think it's OK to be dis-honest, if personal gain is at stake.

you can exaggerate the facts and make up fiction to prove your point.

you spew out your rhetoric, but have nothing to back it up.

you think that "truth" is irrelevant.

you think the Corporations are evil, but Communism and dictatorships are "noble".

you like to say that you fight discrimination, then you turn around and give "perks" simply based on race.

you think traits like honesty and character are "out-dated".

you think that the minority should have the right to force their will upon the majority.

you think 1 white and 20 blacks is "diversity".

you believe people should do what you say, but not what you do.

you think the "all Men are created equal" comments in the Declaration Of Independance means that they are actually equal in ability (as opposed to being given equal opportunity) and no one should make a choice about them based on their actual abilities to perform.

you think a person's sexual preference, or race, and not their ability to perform, should be the deciding factor in who-gets-what job.

you think demanding respect is more important that actually doing something to earn it.

you think the "right of the people to peaceably assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances" means breaking into military installations during wartime, stopping commerce, and breaking nudity laws are what the founding fathers meant.

you think Conservatives should be held to a different, and higher standard than you are willing to meet, yourself.

you claim you are "offended" by Christianity, yet you still partake in the Christmas festivities and demand a paid holiday.

you think SUVs are supportive of terrorists, but houses with 10 car garages are A-OK.

you think "choice" applies only to abortion.

you scream about our dependance on foreign oil, but refuse to allow us to tap into our own reserves.

you think the word "unilateral" is defined as "without France, Germany, and Russia"...

you call Conservative millionaires "greedy", while calling Liberal millionaires "hard working", "creative", or "clever".

you believe that condoms and clean needles should be handed out at school, but Bibles must not be allowed.

you believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

you believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

you refuse to wave or salute the American flag, because America has so many things wrong with it.

you think since Clinton only "smoked and didn't inhale" pot, it's OK.

you preach against racial/sexual bias, but turn around and endorse Affirmative Action.

you boycott a Conservative person and/or company you call it "Freedom of Choice"....but when Conservatives boycott, you call it "McCarthyism".

you think Church/State means that religion should be banned from all aspects of public and private life.

you begin every sentannce with "I (or we) demand".....

you have ever used the expressions "that poor guy," or "he couldn’t help it" to describe a convicted murderer.

you have an "I'm the victim" mentality and every day, milk it dry.

you think Barbara Steisand really cares about the Iraqi children.

you think Iraq was just a "War for Oil".

you think Bin Laden is not really all that bad, and is just "mis-understood".

you think evangelical is a dirty word.

you think the New York Times is a "beacon of truth", but Fox News is just a book of lies.

you think Maureen Dowd should get the Nobel Prize for Journalism.

you complain that Fox News has a "slight Conservative edge", but say nothing about the far-to-the-Left Liberal bias of CNN, New York Times, BBC, etc.

you think Sen. Joseph McCarthy was "evil" but the American Commies he tried to expose within the State Dept were "heroic".

you think Jimmy Carter handled Iran just fine and dandy.

you think if a Conservative is under investigation, it should not matter whether or not the allegations are true/false, but should be totally based around the seriousness of the said allegations.

you think Jayson Blair is an honest and legitimate journalist.

you think that rights of gays, lesbians, drag queens (or kings) should be forcibly recognized, but rights of Christians/Jews should be denied.

you believe that we can "spend our way" out of the deficit.

you believe no trees should be cut down, even if they're dead.

you think the government should tax every last bit of your paycheck.

you think morals and integrity are not relevant and should not stand in the way of personal gain.

you keep calling it "Clinton's Army" and "Bush's economy".

you poke fun at the "cookie cutter houses" in the suburbs, yet live in the city, in a giant brick building called an "apartment", no different from any other in the city.

you would rather have a President who spend his Administration caving in to terrorist demands in a frenzy to please and appease them, rather than a President who is fighting them to make the world a safer place for all.

you never saw a tax hike that didn't seem like a REALLY GOOD IDEA!

you cry and scream that animals and plants have "rights", and hold vigils every time hunting season opens, BUT-- you call killing a baby that is nearly out-- or out of the womb altogether, a "procedure" protected by law.

you scream "rape" if a man hugs a girl, BUT if a woman has sexual relations with a 14 year old boy, you feel that he "enjoyed it" or, it was "his " fault.

you bemoan a few captured terrorists that were paraded naked, or forced to wear women's underwear on their heads, as "torture", and "barbaric", BUT-- when Americans are beheaded by peole from that same regime, you claim their killers were "expresing themselves".

you wish to strip police of their power and give more rights to the criminals, yet still expect the police to keep said criminal off your front lawn.

you think we had homeless people under Reagan and Bush, but they disappeared when Clinton was in office, only to reappear under Dubya.

you think we never had a budget surplus until Clinton.

you think we should be more like France.

you think the mis-handling of the Koran in Guatanamo is in-humane, but beheading of innocent Christians is acceptable and honorable.

you think the US Armed Forces are evil, but terrorists who strike from the shadows and use innocent children as human shields, are noble and heroic.

you say our precense in the Middle East is hurting the innocent Iraqis, yet sat idly by, saying nothing at all when Saddam was killing them by the thousands.

you call these Islamofacist terrorists freedom fighters.

you think the freedom you have fell out of a tree.

you decry racism, yet you have no black neighbors, and think that Clarence Thomas is an Uncle Tom because he doesn't think the way you want him to.

you were for America beating the Nazis, but not for dropping the atomic bomb on Japan and think that the Cold War was a result of American imperialism.

you think actors who speak out against America overseas but who won't do so here really are afraid of being censored, not of losing money.

you think that Hillary Clinton is a conservative.

you are against killing animals for research but will set them free to be killed in the wild.

you think tobacco is evil but have no problem smoking joints all day long.

you are for high taxes for the rich even though you yourself live in an upscale suburb where the homes cost $2-3 million on average.

you say you're agnostic or an atheist but have no problem with your kids joining whacky cults because they have the right to "Find themselves."

you think illegal immigrants should be here because "It was their land that we stole during the Mexican-American war."

you think Canada is a country we should emulate.

you think the Iranians have a right to their nuclear program to protect themselves from Israeli agression, and that fifteen million Jews are opressing more than a billion Muslims.

you talk about global warming and drive an SUV.

you think Jimmy Carter was one of America's greatest Presidents.

you think Barack Hussein Obama was one of America's greatest Presidents.

you feel the 10 Commandments should be removed from Government property, but yet somehow you feel it should be OK to place art work that has dung thrown at the Virgin Mary,

you think Ralph Nader cares about consumers, Unions care about their members, the ACLU cares about civil liberties, the National Education Association cares about education, People for the American Way care about the American way, and Bill Clinton cares about anything other than Bill Clinton.

you think Ted Koppel's Hair is real!

you like to give to charities - with other people's money.

you think free love is sheik and still wonder why your third marriage just went down the toilet.

you hear that an intern disappears in Washington, you say it's all about sex.

your father wore flowers and your mother wore army boots in the sixties.

you fondly recall Stalin as "Uncle Joe".

you foam at the mouth and your knee jerks whenever you hear Rush Limbaugh's name mentioned.

you call it civil disobedience when hooligans throw rocks at police, but when Republicans protest a fixed election you call it a riot. you nod your head and genuflect when Ted Kennedy speaks (or belches).

you went to prep school, got your bachelor's, master's, doctorate; you teach in a university, and still imagine that you know all about the real world.

you make sure to invite a lone conservative to your chic (not sheik) party because you want to show people how open-minded you are.

you think alcoholics are disabled and deserve Social Security (or should be elected to be the senior senator from Massachussettes).

you eat granola bars for breakfast, salad greens for lunch, quiche for supper and then wake up hungry in the middle of the night and eat a whole quart of ice cream...and still think you are eating healthy.

you think rats, mice and houseflies are people, too.

you burried your dead goldfish in the compost bin because you thought it would be good for the environment.

you think the government can solve your personal problems.

you think it is reasonable to get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally.

you think it is reasonable to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion.

you think it is reasonable to show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government.

you think it is reasonable that in the nation’s largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat.

you think it is reasonable that an 80-year-old woman or a three-year-old girl who is confined to a wheelchair can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched.

you think it is reasonable that your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more.

you think it is reasonable that a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is "cute," but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable.

you think it is reasonable that hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion, while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones.

you think it is reasonable that the government’s plan for getting people back to work is to provide incentives for not working, by granting 99 weeks of unemployment checks, without any requirement to prove that gainful employment was diligently sought, but couldn’t be found.

you think it is reasonable that you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage.

you think it is reasonable that being stripped of your Constitutional right to defend yourself makes you more "safe" according to the government.

you think it is reasonable that the media panders to your openly socialist leader while the IRS targets groups with dissenting views.

you think it is reasonable that your FIVE-YEAR-OLD tells you what to do!

you give money to the homeless man on the corner of the freeway, but you turn up your nose every time you see a boy scout.

you want to "Save Darfur" but aren't willing to do anything more than slap a bumper sticker on your car.

you are against school vouchers for public school students, but send your own kids to private school.

you support alternative energy, but don't want windmills to spoil the view from your own backyard.

you want to outlaw cigarettes and legalize marijuana.

you believe 3,000 American civilians deserved to die on 9-11.

you think Israel is a criminal state, but Hamas and Islamic Jihad aren't criminals.

you support killing the unborn innocent but oppose killing the condemned.

you think marriage is obsolete - except for homosexuals.

you uphold a woman's right to choose, unless a woman chooses adoption, chooses to be a stay-at-home mom, chooses to homeschool, or chooses to start a business.

you value tolerance except for opinions that you dislike.

you believe you should learn a foreign language to accomodate illegals in your country.

Free Speech

you want to hear other views until they are voiced.

you think the right to free speech means the right to shout out people with whom you disagree.

you think if somebody disagrees with what is being said, they are challenging or denying your rights to Free Speech.

you think that Celebrities and other media icons have the right to Free Speech and those who agree with them have the right to Freedom of Speech, but those who dare to disagree with them do not.

you think teachers should not use the class-room to promote politics, unless the teacher is promoting anti-Conservative agendas, then it becomes a matter of "Free Speech".

Guns

you think the second amendment is the right to keep and bear a white flag.

you think gun control will take guns from criminals.

you think it is reasonable that your local government (Chicago) outlawed gun ownership for "the safety of its citizens" and now boasts the worst murder rate in the country.

you want to ban guns - except for those carried by your own kid's bodyguards (like Rosie O'Donnell).

you want to ban and outlaw legal gun ownership, yet the same time, you want to be allowed to have armed guards at your beck-and-call.

you think it is reasonable that your government "cracks down" on legal gun sales to law abiding citizens while secretly supplying illegal guns to Mexican drug cartels.

you think selling guns to Mexican drug lords is good but to law-abiding Americans is bad.

you somehow think taking guns away from honest citizens will reduce crime by violent offenders.

you think violent gun crimes would automatically disappear if only honest law-abiding citizens would give up their guns.

you think people who defend themselves with guns are violent nut cases who were looking for trouble.

when a violent crime is comitted with a gun, you think it's the gun itself, and not the offender, who is responsible.

you blame the NRA, and not the criminals, for violent crime with guns.

you think guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of a hate filled dictator.

you think that the only way the tragedy at Columbine could have been avoided was to outlaw legal, private gun ownership.

you think it is reasonable that the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than 10 rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt.

you preach "peace" and "love" and "non-violence" and "anti-gun laws" but appear in movies that glorify guns, explosives and twisting people's heads of with martial arts to win over the bad guys.

Michael Moore

you think of Michael Moore as a hero because people paid $14 million for tickets to see his movie opposing capitalism.

you think Michael Moore produces documentaries instead of mockumentaries and fake-umentaries.

you think Michael Moore's films are "historically accurate".

you think Michael Moore is the greatest American thinker since Thomas Paine.

Health Insurance

you think an American citizen should be sent to prison for not purchasing health insurance.

you think Canadians buy no health insurance.

you believe companies provide free health care and retirement.

your favorite part of Obama's health insurance plan is that it doubles or triples premiums on vets and active-duty military.

you think the government can do a better job of picking your health insurance plan than you can.

you want a government agency such as the TSA deciding on your health care.

you think a health insurance bill will reduce the cost of medical care.

you think Cuba has better health care than the U.S.

United Nations

you pledge allegience to the UN.

you think the UN should be the final authority, even in the U.S.

you think the UN is an efficient governmental body.

you think the UN is a world government and that we are international pariahs because we don't follow their rules.

you criticized Bush for invading Iraq with UN approval but cheered Clinton for invading Haiti and Bosnia without UN approval.

you think that Americans were wrong to invade Iraq after Saddam Hussein reneged on letting UN inspectors verify his claims that he had stopped making weapons of mass destruction.

you protested American intervention in the Middle-East, because we did not have UN approval, but supported American intervention in Haiti, Somalia, and Bosnia, even though we did not have UN approval.

George Bush

whatever it is, you believe it’s Bush’s fault.

you think that Blame Bush is a valid argument.

you think the Supreme Court elected George Bush.

you cheered when your candidate said "Bush" but insist that others show respect by saying "President Obama."

you think Liberal Hollywood (most of whom are high school drop-outs) are better qualified to lead America than President Bush.

you blame George Bush for the bank deregulation bill signed by Bill Clinton.

you forget to say the Victory in Iraq was inherited by Obama from George W. Bush.

you think that Fidel Castro, Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, Hugo Chaves, Joseph Stalin and Adolf Hitler were "noble" and in the same breath, you call President Bush "evil".

you somehow believe that George Bush is more dangerous than Bin Laden, Saddam, Hitler, etc.

you think Castro, Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, Hamas, Putin and Hugo Chaves were fairly elected but President George Bush was not.

you think the Kennedy Family was a "respectable family" but call George Bush a "Hitler".

you refer to President Bush a "Hitler" as your defense to any critisism on your stance/position.

one day you label President Bush as just a "stupid hick from the sticks" and the next day call him an "evil genius".

you think it was wrong for Bush to use images of 9/11 in political ads, but saw nothing wrong with Kerry using flag-draped caskets in his ads.

you applaud Jimmy Carter for talking about Human Rights, but screamed and shouted when President Bush actually did something about it.

you think President Bush and Dick Cheney lied when repeating findings of international intelligence operations but General Colin Powell was innocently fooled.

you believe George Bush and his goons planned and carried out the destruction of the Twin Towers so that he could blame it on Muslims and then invade Iraq to raise gas prices.

you think it was "un-ethical" for Bush to accept campaign donations from the NRA, but not when Clinton accepted campaign donations on behalf of the Communist Chinese government.

you believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.

you think Saddam had WMDs when Clinton was in office, but all of the sudden, didn't have them when Bush was in office.

you deride Bush for landing on a plane to boost moral and show his gratitude to the troops but you praise Clinton for using the military as a social program to force gays into the ranks and lowering moral.

Al Gore

you think Al Gore actually deserved the Nobel Prize.

you think Al Gore is smarter than George Bush.

you think Al Gore won the election in 2000.

you support Al Gore and celebrities who fly around in private jets to scaremonger the public over global warming.

you would have supported the war in Iraq, if Bill Clinton or Al Gore was President.

your donations to charity amount roughly to the same percentage as those given by Joe Biden or Al Gore, which is next to nothing.

you think illegal aliens should have the right to vote without showing identification but support Al Gore's attempt to ignore absentee ballots from soldiers serving our country overseas.

you believe Al Gore that global warming will melt sea ice and raise sea levels 20 feet to 67 feet even though the level in your soda glass drops when your ice cubes melt.

Liberal vs. Conservative

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
(Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

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