INTERNET HUMOR PAGES

Aussie Drinkers' Troubleshooting Chart

 Symptom  Fault  Action
 Beer unusually pale and tasteless.  Glass empty.  Get someone to buy you another beer.
 Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.  Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.  Retire to gent's room, practice in mirror.
 Feet cold and wet.  Glass being held at incorrect angle.  Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
 Feet warm and wet.  Improper bladder control.  Stand next to nearest dog, complain about its house training. Demand more beer.
 Floor blurred.  You are looking through bottom of empty glass.  Get someone to buy you another beer.
 Floor moving.  You are being carried out.  Find out if you are being taken to another bar; if not, then scream that you are being kidnapped.
 Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.  You have fallen over backward.  Have yourself leashed to the bar.
 Mouth contains cigarette butts.  You have fallen backward.  See above.
 Room seems unusually dark.  Bar has closed.  Confirm home address with bartender.

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