The 10 most terrifying words in the English language:
I'm from the IT department and I'm here to help.

My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there will be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit.

For those who don't want Alexa Iistening in on your conversations, they're making a male version.....it doesn't Iisten to anything.

My kids wanted to know what it was like for me growing up. So I took their phones, shut off the internet, gave them a popcicle, told them to go outside till the street lights came on.

A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit, "What will you have?"
The rabbit shakes his head and answers, "I have no idea, the only reason that I am here is because of Autocorrect."

Breaking News
This morning my wifi went out for like 5 minutes so I had to talk to my family.
They seem like nice people.

A friend forgot his laptop on the floor of my room.
My grandmother thought it was a scale.
Conclusion: She weighs $950.00

New Email Signature:
You have distracted me from my creative process. Please excuse typos.

Nobody said computers were going to be polite.

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
- Robert Orben

Windows _runs_? I always thought it was more of a drunken stagger.
- Mathew Hennessy

By the taping of my glasses, something geeky this way passes.

... Unix, MS-DOS, and Windows NT (also known as the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly).
- Matt Welsh

Q: What do you get if you combine Novell, Dell and Microsoft?
A: Microsoft

It has been said that physicists stand on one another's shoulders. If this is the case, then programmers stand on one another's toes, and software engineers dig each other's graves.

A computer without Windows is like a dog without bricks tied to its head.

In a world without walls, there is no need for Windows.

Whose OS would you use: Several American accounting college dropouts' or a Finnish computer science college graduate's?

Contrary to popular belief, Unix is user friendly. It just happens to be selective about who it makes friends with.
- Kyle Hearn

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

Debating unix flavors in the context of anything Microsoft is like talking about which ice cream flavor tastes least like sawdust with turpentine sauce.

Bill Gates is one of the most corrupt, evil, ... people to have ever walked the face of this planet.
But I mean that in a good way.

Found on slashdot:
"In 27 years he [B.G] claims he has never called in sick or missed work. Not even once."
Certainly now its proven by science: THERE IS NO REST FOR THE WICKED!

Your Choices in computer ownership:
No Computer
Windows (Bill Fists You)
Linux (You Fist Yourself)
or Mac (Fisting for Idiots)

There are only 10 types of people in this world:
those who understand binary and those who don't.

Failure Is Not An Option! It comes bundled with the software!

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

Two computer people discussing those old stories about Bill Gates's name adding up to 666 in ASCII:

"I hear that if you play the NT 4.0 CD backward, you get a satanic message."

"That's nothing. If you play it forward, it installs NT 4.0."

How appropriate that the "800" number for the Microsoft Systems Journal is 800-666-1084.

How Many Lit LEDs Can You See?
    0-3: Me and my laptop
    4-9: ...and I can see the wireless router
    10-19: Too many gadgets
    20-39: Slashdot at the NOC
    40-99: Christmas all year 'round
    100-499: The goggles, they do nothing!
    500+: Tan, don't burn.
    Relaxen und watchen das blinkenlichten.

"Who in their right mind would ever need more than 640k of ram!?"
- Bill Gates, 1981

"Any serious graphics applications still run better on Apple's Macintosh platform..."
- Bill Gates, 1991

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what ... is it good for?"
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
- Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'"
- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

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