How would the answers to these questions change if God was a programmer?
Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
A: He did it in six days and nights, living on coffee and candy bars.
On the seventh day, he went home and found out his girlfriend had
left him.
Q: What causes God to intervene in our Earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system automatically pages him and
he logs in from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise, things wait
until tomorrow.
Q: How come the Age of Miracles ended?
A: That was the Development phase of the project. Now we're in
Maintenance mode.
Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is an MIS Director who takes credit for more powers than he
actually possesses, so that non-programmers will be afraid of him.
God thinks Satan is irritating, but "irrelevant".
Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier versions.
Q: How can I protect myself from Evil?
A: Change your password every month...and don't make it a name, a
common word, or a date like your birthday.
Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just
get off his back and let him program.
Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
A: These people would be much more likely to receive an E-mail.
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