INTERNET HUMOR PAGES

Caloric Count

It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until now nobody has made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research *they* are proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:

 With her consent  12 Calories
 Without her consent  2187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:

 With both hands  8 Calories
 With one hand  12 Calories
 With your teeth  485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:

 With an erection  6 Calories
 Without an erection  3315 Calories

POSITIONS:

 Missionary  12 Calories
 69 lying down  78 Calories
 69 standing up  812 Calories
 Wheelbarrow  216 Calories
 Doggy Style  326 Calories
 Italian chandelier  2912 Calories

ORGASMS:

 Real  112 Calories
 Fake  1315 Calories

POST ORGASM:

 Lying in bed hugging  18 Calories
 Getting up immediately  36 Calories
 Explaining why you got out of bed immediately  816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:

If you are:

 20-29 years  36 Calories
 30-39 years  80 Calories
 40-49 years  124 Calories
 50-59 years  1972 Calories
 60-69 years  7916 Calories
 70 and over  Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:

 Calmly  32 Calories
 In a hurry  98 Calories
 With her father knocking at the door  5218 Calories
 With your wife knocking at the door  13,521 Calories

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