Caloric Count
It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until now nobody has made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research *they* are proud to present the results.
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
| With her consent | 12 Calories |
| Without her consent | 2187 Calories |
OPENING HER BRA:
| With both hands | 8 Calories |
| With one hand | 12 Calories |
| With your teeth | 485 Calories |
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
| With an erection | 6 Calories |
| Without an erection | 3315 Calories |
POSITIONS:
| Missionary | 12 Calories |
| 69 lying down | 78 Calories |
| 69 standing up | 812 Calories |
| Wheelbarrow | 216 Calories |
| Doggy Style | 326 Calories |
| Italian chandelier | 2912 Calories |
ORGASMS:
| Real | 112 Calories |
| Fake | 1315 Calories |
POST ORGASM:
| Lying in bed hugging | 18 Calories |
| Getting up immediately | 36 Calories |
| Explaining why you got out of bed immediately | 816 Calories |
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
| 20-29 years | 36 Calories |
| 30-39 years | 80 Calories |
| 40-49 years | 124 Calories |
| 50-59 years | 1972 Calories |
| 60-69 years | 7916 Calories |
| 70 and over | Results are still pending |
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
| Calmly | 32 Calories |
| In a hurry | 98 Calories |
| With her father knocking at the door | 5218 Calories |
| With your wife knocking at the door | 13,521 Calories |
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