Religions Defined (part 1)

Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins.

Hari Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins.

Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins.

Anglican - They were our toys first.

Greek Orthodox - No, they were OURS first.

Branch Davidians - He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.

Atheism - There is no toy maker.

Polytheism - There are many toy makers.

Evolutionism - The toys made themselves.

Church of Christ, Scientist - We are the toys.

Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours.

B'Hai - All toys are just fine with us.

Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin.

Taoism - The doll is as important as the dumptruck.

Mormonism - Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.

Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second.

Hedonism - To heck with the rule book!? Let's play!

Hinduism - He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.

7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.

Church of Christ - He whose toys make music, loses.

Judaism - Toys should be played with and not heard.

Baptist - Once played, always played.

Jehovah's Witnesses - He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.

Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins.

Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination.

Confucianism - Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.

Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them.

Agnosticism - It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.

Religions Defined (part 2)

Taoism - Shit Happens.

Hare Krishna - Shit Happens Rama Rama Ding Ding.

Hinduism - This Shit Happened Before.

Islam - If Shit Happens, Take A Hostage

Zen - What Is The Sound Of Shit Happening?

Buddhism - When Shit Happens. Is It Reallv Shit?

Confucianism - Confucias Say. "Shit Happens."

7th Day Adventist - Shit Happens On Saturdays.

Protestantism - Shit Won't Happen If I Work Harder.

Catholicism - If Shit Happens I Deserve It.

Jehovah's Witnesses - Knock. Knock. "Shit Happens."

Unitarian - What Is This Shit.

Mormonism - Shit Happens Again & Again & Again.

Judaism - Why Does This Shit Always Happen To Me?

Rastafarianism - Let's Smoke This Shit.

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