Imagine praying and hearing this:

"Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please select one of the following options: press 1 for Requests, press 2 for Thanksgiving, press 3 for Complaints, press 4 for All Other Inquiries.

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I'm sorry, all of our angels are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received, so please stay on the line.

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To speak to: God, press 1; for Jesus, press 2; for the Holy Spirit, press 3; if you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, please press 4. To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, press 5 and enter his or her Social Security number, then press the pound key (if you get a negative response, try area code 666).

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For reservations at "My Father's House" please enter J-O-H-N followed by 3-1-6.

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For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive here.

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Our computers show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.

If there is no menu on the left side of the screen, you need to click here to activate the menu.