INTERNET HUMOR PAGES

On the opening day of law school, I always counsel my first-year students never to support a law they are not willing to kill to enforce. Usually they greet this advice with something I between skepticism and puzzlement, until I remind them that the police go armed to enforce the will of the state, and if you resist,they might kill you.
Stephen L Carter,
Professor of Law,
Yale University

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the officer said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

If a dog can be put to sleep for hurting a child, so should a paedophile.

People say 60 is the new 40.
The cop who just pulled me over didn't agree.

REMEMBER:
When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants so it's illegal to dig it up.

CrimeFeed.com: Why do so many murderers bury victims in their own backyards?
Comment: Not everyone has the trunk space or gas money to drive way out in the middle of nowhere to dump their bodies. Check your privilege. We're all doing the best we can out here.

Liberal Police Office describing suspect:
Suspect is a born male, but now gender fluid, wearing non-gender specific clothing, born caucasian, but identifies as a mountain panda.

I'm so old I remember when it was illegal to break the law.

I'd want to defund the police too if I was a criminal.

A liberal’s idea of being tough on crime is handing out longer suspended sentences.
- Ronald Reagan

Motorist: It's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up.
Cop: That's not how field sobriety tests work.

Cop: Your eyes look red. Have you been smoking weed?
Motorist: Your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?

Once upon a time the FBI fought organized crime.
Then the FBI became organized crime.

I love Christmas.
Today I saw a person give a phone, a watch and a wallet to someone who only had a gun.

IG Report: the FBI broke the law, but since there was no criminal intent, no reasonable prosecutor would bring such a case.
- The Peoples Cube

"I buried my wife yesterday."
"I'm sorry. When did she die?"
"Probably sometime yesterday."

D.A.R.E. Detergents Aren't Really Edible

Viagra Shipment Stolen:
Cops looking for gang of hardened criminals.

Police Slogan:
Homicide: Our day starts when yours ends.

Why do riot police like to get to work early?
To beat the crowd.

My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged with impersonating a police officer.

The Constitution may not be perfect, but it's a lot better than what we've got!

DRM "manages access" in the same way that jail "manages freedom."

Remember when the U.S. had a drug problem, and then we declared a War On Drugs, and now you can't buy drugs anymore?

Fascism starts when the efficiency of the government becomes more important than the rights of the people.

The less a man knows about how sausages and laws are made, the easier it is to steal his vote and give him botulism.

Throughout human history, the greatest threat to life and liberty has been not terrorism, but the power of the state.

It is as impossible to steal "intellectual property" as it is to steal fire.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

There's been a burglary down at police headquarters.
All the toilet seats were stolen.
The police have nothing to go on.

DARE - To keep Cops off Donuts!
Donut
Abuse
Resistance
Education

Cop: Are you okay?
Victim: I don't know. I'm kinda f**ked up in general, so it's hard to gauge.

Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?

New Recruit: Call for backup!

Q: What do the LAPD and the Green Bay Packers have in common?
A: Neither of them can stop a Bronco.

Without law and order our nation cannot survive.
- Adolf Hitler

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
- Plato

Laws do not persuade just because they threaten.
- Seneca

The greater the number of laws, the more corrupt the government.
- Tacitus

The More Laws, the less Justice.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe themselves to be free.
- Goethe

No one can terrorize a whole nation, unless we are all his accomplices.
- Edward R. Murrow

The fact that I have no remedy for all the sorrows of the world is no reason for my accepting yours. It simply supports the strong probability that yours is a fake.
- H.L. Mencken

To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt.
- E.C. Stanton

All governments suffer a recurring problem: Power attracts pathological personalities. It is not that power corrupts but that it is magnetic to the corruptible. Such people have a tendency to become drunk on violence, a condition to which they are quickly addicted.
- Missionaria Protectiva, Text QIV (decto)

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.
- C.S. Lewis

Did you hear about the individual who was recently arrested for counterfieting money?
He claimed he was only performing quantative easing.
- Cynical Pessimest

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
- Frank Zappa

We now have so many regulations that everyone is guilty of some violation.
- Donald Alexander

The more laws that are written, the more criminals are produced.
- Lao-Tse

What is a left-wing socialist but a Marxist without a gun?
- Don Feder

A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.
- Mario Puzo

Law logic - an artificial system of reasoning, exclusively used in courts of justice, but good for nothing anywhere else.
- John Quincy Adams

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
- Aesop

The big thieves hang the little ones.
- Czech Proverb

Petty laws breed great crimes.
- Ouida

Three groups spend other people's money: children, thieves, politicians. All three need supervision.
- Dick Armey

An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
- Ambrose Bierce

When you have no basis for argument, abuse the plaintiff.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

The police are not here to create disorder. The police are here to preserve disorder.
- Mayor Richard Daley

The more laws the more offenders.
- Dr. Thomas Fuller

If it weren't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
- A. K. Griffin

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
- Alfred E. Newman

The difference between a politician and a pickpocket is that the pickpocket doesn't get indignant when you tell him to keep his hands to himself.
- Joseph Sobran

We enact many laws that manufacture criminals, and then a few that punish them.
- Benjamin R. Tucker

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
- Mark Twain

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
- Mark Twain

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
- Jerry Seinfeld

They call it the Halls of Justice because the only place you get justice is in the halls.
- Lenny Bruce

When they took the 4th Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs.
When they took the 6th Amendment, I was quiet because I am innocent.
When they took the 2nd Amendment, I was quiet because I don't own a gun.
Now they have taken the 1st Amendment, and I can only be quiet.
- Lyle Myhr

"[T]he victim is entitled to respond according to the rule ('The use of force is permissible') that the aggressor himself has implicitly laid down."
- John Hospers, "Retribution: The Ethics of Punishment," in Assessing the Criminal: Restitution, Retribution, and the Legal Process, Randy E. Barnett and John Hagel III, eds., (Cambridge: Ballinger, 1977): p. 191.

"[W]hen someone is punished for having violated others' rights, it is not the case that the criminal has alienated or otherwise lost his rights; rather, it is the case that the criminal's choice to live in a rights-violating way is being respected."
- Douglas B. Rasmussen & Douglas J. Den Uyl, Liberty and Nature: An Aristotelian Defense of Liberal Order (1991): 85

"[I]f someone attacks another, that act carries with it, as a matter of the logic of aggression, the implication that from a rational moral standpoint the victim may, and often should retaliate."
- Tibor R. Machan, Individuals and Their Rights (1989): 176

"[T]here is no affront [or injustice] where the victim consents."
- [Roman jurist] Ulpian (Domitius Ulpianus), Edict, book 56, 4 The Digest of Justinian (Theodor Mommsen, Paul Krueger & Alan Watson eds., 1985), at Book 47, A7 10.1.5 (nulla iniuria est, quae in volentem fiat).

Oh, judge, your damn laws: the good people don't need them and the bad people don't follow them so what good are they?
- Ammon Hennacy

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