INTERNET HUMOR PAGES

I'd rather be judged by 12, than carried by 6.

God created man, but Colonel Colt made them equal.

Don't think of it as "gun control", think of it as "victim disarmament".

"Gun control" is a job-safety program for criminals.

When seconds count, the police are just minutes away.

If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.

A man with a gun is a citizen. A man without a gun is a subject.

Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.
- Mao Zedong

When only cops have guns, it's called a "police state".
- Claire Wolfe, "101 Things To Do Until The Revolution"

One thing about a police state, you can always find the police.
- L. Neil Smith

The right to buy weapons is the right to be free.
- A.E. Van Vogt, "The Weapon Shops Of Isher", ASF December 1942

An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.
- Robert A. Heinlein, "Beyond This Horizon", 1942

Taking my gun away because I might shoot someone is like cutting my tongue out because I might yell "Fire!" in a crowded theater.
- Peter Venetoklis

The Constitution shall never be construed ... to prevent the people of the United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms.
- Samuel Adams

Ted Kennedy's Car Has Killed More People Than My Gun.

The real definition of "Gun Control" is that your bullet hits the spot you are aiming for.

The most foolish mistake we could possibly make would be to permit the conquered Eastern peoples to have arms. History teaches that all conquerors who have allowed their subject races to carry arms have prepared their own downfall by doing so.
- Adolph Hitler, April 11, 1942

Without law and order our nation cannot survive.
- Adolf Hitler

Among the many misdeeds of British rule in India, history will look upon the Act depriving a whole nation of arms as the blackest.
- Mohandas Gandhi, An Autobiography, pg 446

Are we at last brought to such humiliating and debasing degradation, that we cannot be trusted with arms for our defense?
- Patrick Henry

The great object is that every man be armed.
- Patrick Henry

I don't like the idea that the police department seems bent on keeping a pool of unarmed victims available for the predations of the criminal class.
- David Mohler, 1989, on being denied a carry permit in NYC

The world is filled with violence. Because criminals carry guns, we decent law-abiding citizens should also have guns. Otherwise they will win and the decent people will lose.
- James Earl Jones

Strict gun laws are about as effective as strict drug laws... It pains me to say this, but the NRA seems to be right: The cities and states that have the toughest gun laws have the most murder and mayhem.
- Mike Royko, Chicago Tribune

Gun Control: The ability to put two bullets through the same hole.
- Ted Nugent

Gun Control: The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her panty hose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound.
- L. Neil Smith

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
- Frank Zappa

We now have so many regulations that everyone is guilty of some violation.
- Donald Alexander

The more laws that are written, the more criminals are produced.
- Lao-Tse

They call it the Halls of Justice because the only place you get justice is in the halls.
- Lenny Bruce

When they took the 4th Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs.
When they took the 6th Amendment, I was quiet because I am innocent.
When they took the 2nd Amendment, I was quiet because I don't own a gun.
Now they have taken the 1st Amendment, and I can only be quiet.
- Lyle Myhr

Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power.
- Yoshimi Ishikawa, Japanese author, in the LA Times 15 Oct 1992

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.
- Rush Limbaugh, August 17, 1993

"[T]he victim is entitled to respond according to the rule ('The use of force is permissible') that the aggressor himself has implicitly laid down."
- John Hospers, "Retribution: The Ethics of Punishment," in Assessing the Criminal: Restitution, Retribution, and the Legal Process, Randy E. Barnett and John Hagel III, eds., (Cambridge: Ballinger, 1977): p. 191.

"[W]hen someone is punished for having violated others' rights, it is not the case that the criminal has alienated or otherwise lost his rights; rather, it is the case that the criminal's choice to live in a rights-violating way is being respected."
- Douglas B. Rasmussen & Douglas J. Den Uyl, Liberty and Nature: An Aristotelian Defense of Liberal Order (1991): 85

"[I]f someone attacks another, that act carries with it, as a matter of the logic of aggression, the implication that from a rational moral standpoint the victim may, and often should retaliate."
- Tibor R. Machan, Individuals and Their Rights (1989): 176

"[T]here is no affront [or injustice] where the victim consents."
- [Roman jurist] Ulpian (Domitius Ulpianus), Edict, book 56, 4 The Digest of Justinian (Theodor Mommsen, Paul Krueger & Alan Watson eds., 1985), at Book 47, A7 10.1.5 (nulla iniuria est, quae in volentem fiat).

Oh, judge, your damn laws: the good people don't need them and the bad people don't follow them so what good are they?
- Ammon Hennacy

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!
- Benjamin Franklin

What is a left-wing socialist but a Marxist without a gun?
- Don Feder

A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.
- Mario Puzo

Law logic -- an artificial system of reasoning, exclusively used in courts of justice, but good for nothing anywhere else.
- John Quincy Adams

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
- Aesop

The big thieves hang the little ones.
- Czech Proverb

Petty laws breed great crimes.
- Ouida

Three groups spend other people's money: children, thieves, politicians. All three need supervision.
- Dick Armey

An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
- Ambrose Bierce

When you have no basis for argument, abuse the plaintiff.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

The police are not here to create disorder. The police are here to preserve disorder.
- Mayor Richard Daley

The more laws the more offenders.
- Dr. Thomas Fuller

If it weren't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
- A. K. Griffin

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
- Alfred E. Newman

The difference between a politician and a pickpocket is that the pickpocket doesn't get indignant when you tell him to keep his hands to himself.
- Joseph Sobran

We enact many laws that manufacture criminals, and then a few that punish them.
- Benjamin R. Tucker

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
- Mark Twain

FBI, F.B.I. stands for Famous But Incompetent.

The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

There's been a burglary down at police headquarters.
All the toilet seats were stolen.
The police have nothing to go on.

DARE - To keep Cops off Donuts! Donut Abuse Resistance Education

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?

New Recruit: Call for backup!

Q: What do the LAPD and the Green Bay Packers have in common?
A: Neither of them can stop a Bronco.

I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house. I said "I did".

She said "Well I certainly hope it isn't loaded!"

To which I said, "of course it is loaded, can't work without bullets!"

She then asked, "Are you that afraid of someone evil coming into your house?"

My reply was, "No not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too."

To which I'll add, "having a gun in the house that isn't loaded is like having a car in the garage without gas in the tank".

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