The Top 16 Signs Your Lawyer Isn't Working Out
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ] [ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com ] [ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]16. His idea of a key immunity deal involves penicillin shots.
15. Open argument in which he called the prosecutor a "Doo-Doo Head" could hurt your case.
14. Tries to cheer you up by saying how great you look in orange.
13. In the middle of your trial, he crawls underneath the bench and actually tries to "please the court."
12. Uses rhyming couplets like Johnny Cochran, but they all end with "Nantucket."
11. Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.
10. Keeps trying to call a witness named "Johnny, the Trouser Troll."
09. A closer look at his diploma reveals it's from Yale Lock School.
08. The only question she can come up with during cross-examination is, "Isn't it true that you're a lying bastard?"
07. Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury.
06. Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"
05. Dental problem forces her to use short, concise sentences comprised of commonly used, clearly understood words.
04. Instead of saying "Your honor, I object," he now just rolls his eyes and says, "Whatever."
03. Claims staring at your cleavage is a necessary part of the "discovery" processes.
02. Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.
and Top5's Number 1 Sign Your Lawyer Isn't Working Out...
01. "Nice breasts, Your Honor."
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