Warning Signs That You Need A New Lawyer:

You met him in prison.

During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser".

When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they "high-five" each other.

He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.

He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

A prison guard is shaving your head.

Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."

He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.

Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"

Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."

Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."

He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

Defendant: Your Honor, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.

Judge: And why is that?

Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case.

Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?

Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.

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