Murphy's Military Laws
Murphy's 1st Military Law:
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
Murphy's 2nd Military Law:
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
First Corollary:
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
A. when you're ready for them, and
B. when you're not ready for them.
Second Corollary:
Professionals are predictable. It's the amateurs that are dangerous.
Murphy's 3rd Military Law:
Friendly fire ain't.
Corollary:
If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.
Murphy's 4th Military Law:
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
Murphy's 5th Military Law:
The problem with taking the easy way out is the enemy has already mined it.
First Corollary:
There's always a way, but the easy way is always mined.
Second Corollary:
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able
to get out.
Murphy's 6th Military Law:
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives
the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
Murphy's 7th Military Law:
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the
more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Murphy's 8th Military Law:
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Murphy's 9th Military Law:
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
Corollary:
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you've found
the combat zone.
Murphy's 10th Military Law:
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
Corollary:
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
Murphy's 11th Military Law:
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
Murphy's 12th Military Law:
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on
abandoned positions.
Murphy's 13th Military Law:
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire
is incoming friendly fire.
Murphy's 14th Military Law:
There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at
you, and miss.
Corollary:
Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.
Murphy's 15th Military Law:
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the
combat zone, it draws sergeants.
First Corollary:
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
Second Corollary:
Try to look unimportant. They may be low on ammo.
Murphy's 16th Military Law:
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
Corollary:
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Murphy's 17th Military Law:
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
Murphy's 18th Military Law:
A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Murphy's 19th Military Law:
When you have secured an area, don't forget to inform the enemy.
Murphy's 20th Military Law:
If it's stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Murphy's Other Military Laws:
You are not Superman.
Recoilless rifles aren't.
Suppressive fire won't.
Perfect plans aren't.
Ammo is cheap; your life isn't.
Tracers work both ways.
When in doubt, empty the magazine.
All five second grenade fuses are three seconds.
Teamwork is essential. It gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
Radios will fail as soon as you need something desperately.
When both sides are convinced they are about to lose . . . they are both right.
The bursting radius of a grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
The law of the bayonet says the man with the bullet wins.
REMFs are everywhere.
Precision bombing is normally accurate within plus/minus one mile.
If you can't see the enemy, they still may be able to see you.
The side with the fanciest uniforms losses.
Armored vehicles are bullet magnets; a moving foxhole that attracts attention.
Final protective fire doesn't.
You can win without fighting, but it's a lot tougher to do. And the enemy may not cooperate.
It's easier to expend material in combat than to fill out the forms for Graves Registration.
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