INTERNET HUMOR PAGES

Q: Why do USC graduates hang their diplomas from the rear view mirror?
A: To justify their handicap parking.

Q: Do you know why the USC football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Why doesn't USC have ice on the sidelines?
A: The guy with the recipe graduated.

Q: What do you get when you drive slowly by the USC campus?
A: A degree.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a USC football player?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: How many USC freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a second year course.

Q: How do you get a USC graduate off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What do you call a person from USC in a three piece suit?
A: The defendant.

Q: What does the average USC player get on his SAT's?
A: Drool.

Q: What are the best four years of a USC student's life?
A: Third grade.

A USC football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.

The USC football team was placed in a remedial English class. The professor asked the class, "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?"
All of the players raised their hands. "The appeal" they shouted with pride.

Did you hear about the guy who went into a bar to watch the UCLA-USC game this year, and had a little dog with him? The bartender told him he needed to take the dog outside, but the guy said that the dog was a huge football fan. Every time UCLA scored a touchdown, the dog would bark, wag his tail and run around excitedly.

At the end of the game, when UCLA had won, the dog did a backflip! The bartender was amazed. "That's great," he said. "But what does he do if USC wins?"

The guy replied, "I don't know. The dog's only 8 years old!

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