Letter From Tooth Fairy

Dear :

Thank you for leaving one [1] tooth under your pillow last night. While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason (s) indicated below:

the tooth could not be found
it was not a human tooth
we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny
we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odour
the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
the tooth did not originally belong to you
the tooth fairy does not process fingernails
your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action
you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy
you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received
the tooth is still in your mouth
the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit
no night light was on at the time of our visit
the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing
we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
    string
    pliers
    gunpowder
    hammer marks
    chisel
    part of skull attached to tooth
    no dental care
other:

Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.

Sincerely,
the tooth fairy

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