INTERNET HUMOR PAGES

international grammatical and spelling snafus...

In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Yugoslav hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian monastery:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today: no ice cream

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking. Here speeching American.

At a Bangkok dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

At an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

A Japanese information booklet about using hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.


Here is a list of actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong:

01. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

02. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

03. Gun wounds again?

04. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

05. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

06. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

07. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

08. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

09. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

12. You daring lousy guy.

13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!

14. I have been scared sh*tless too much lately.

15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?

19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.

20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination.

21. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.

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