Bagpipes

Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe player and brain surgery?
A: You get an anesthetic for brain surgery.

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: They're trying to get away from the noise.

Q: Why do some people take an instant hatred to bagpipe players?
A: It saves time in the long run.

Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

Q: How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A: He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

Q: How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A: You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Q: What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?
A: You can tune the lawn mower.

Q: If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: an in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
A: The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been hallucinating.

Q: How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
A: Add vibrato.

Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.

Q: What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and dead bagpiper in the road?
A: Skid marks in front of the snake.

Q: What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
A: The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.

Q: What's the range of a bagpipe?
A: Twenty yards if you have a good arm.

Q: Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
A: They rarely strike the same spot twice.

Q: How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A: Someone is blowing into it.

Q: What do you call ten bagpipes at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: What's the definition of "optimism"
A: A bagpiper with a beeper.

Q: How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect unison?
A: Shoot one.

If you took all the bagpipers in the world and laid them end to end -- it would be a good idea.

Did you hear the one about the bagpiper who parked his car with the windows open, forgetting that he had left his bagpipes in the back seat?

He rushed back as soon as he realised it, but it was too late -- someone had already put another set of bagpipes in the car!

Landlord: "Did they awaken you?"

Tenant: "No. As it happened, I was still up practicing my bagpipes."

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