Masculinity quiz: How do YOU rate?

1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
  a) Lovemaking
  b) Screwing
  c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
  a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
  b) Your blood-test results
  c) Five tequila slammers

3. You time your orgasm so that:
  a) Your partner climaxes first
  b) You both climax simultaneously
  c) You don't miss SportsCenter

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
  a) Healthy, creative love-play
  b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
  c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
  a) The best part of the experience
  b) The second best part of the experience
  c) $100 extra

6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:
  a) No concern of yours
  b) Not a problem - she can join your gym
  c) A conservative estimate

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
  a) A myth
  b) An oxymoron
  c) A moron

8. Foreplay is to sex as:
  a) Appetizer is to entree
  b) Priming is to painting
  c) A queue is to an amusement park ride

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
  a) "I hope we can still be friends."
  b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone."
  c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
  a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
  b) Is uptight and a waste of time
  c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

If you answered 'a' more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.

If you answered 'b' more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're still a little confused.

If you answered 'c' more than 7 times, call me up. Let's go drinking.

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