INTERNET HUMOR PAGES

IF DEAR ABBY WAS A MAN....

Dear Abby:

Q: My fiance still has feelings for his old girlfriend. I'm afraid he will not be faithful. I just don't understand him. What does he want?

A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and in fact it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and coming back home to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't ask questions about his night out with the boys.

Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my younger and much prettier sister.

A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. In fact why not surprise him and get some of your best looking female cousins involved? And to show him how excited you are about his desire to know your family better, suggest that he go away for a weekend with some of your female relatives. When he returns home, buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice gourmet meal and don't mention anything about his whole weekend away.

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