| THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE | THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE | |
| Age / Drink | 17 beer | 17 Wine Coolers |
| Age / Drink | 25 Vodka | 25 White Wine |
| Age / Drink | 35 Scotch | 35 Red Wine |
| Age / Drink | 48 Double Scotch | 48 Dom Perignon |
| Age / Drink | 66 Maalox | 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser |
| Seduction Line / Excuse for Refusing Date | 17 My parents are away for the weekend. | 17 Need to wash my hair. |
| Seduction Line / Excuse for Refusing Date | 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. | 25 Need to wash and condition my hair. |
| Seduction Line / Excuse for Refusing Date | 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. | 35 Need to color my hair. |
| Seduction Line / Excuse for Refusing Date | 48 My wife is away for the weekend. | 48 Need to have Francois color my hair. |
| Seduction Line / Excuse for Refusing Date | 66 My second wife is dead. | 66 Need to have Francois color my wig. |
| Favorite Sport | 17 Sex. | 17 Shopping. |
| Favorite Sport | 25 Sex. | 25 Shopping. |
| Favorite Sport | 35 Sex. | 35 Shopping. |
| Favorite Sport | 48 Sex. | 48 Shopping. |
| Favorite Sport | 66 Napping | 66 Shopping. |
| House Pet | 17 Muffy the cat | |
| House Pet | 25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat | |
| House Pet | 35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat | |
| House Pet | 48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat | |
| House Pet | 66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat | |
| Ideal Date | 17 Sex | 17 He offers to pay |
| Ideal Date | 25 Sex | 25 He pays |
| Ideal Date | 35 Sex | 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning |
| Ideal Date | 48 Sex | 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids |
| Ideal Date | 66 Napping | 66 He can chew breakfast |
| Definition Of A Successful Date | 17 Tongue. | 17 "Burger King". |
| Definition Of A Successful Date | 25 "Breakfast". | 25 "Free Meal". |
| Definition Of A Successful Date | 35 "She didn't set back my therapy". | 35 "A diamond" |
| Definition Of A Successful Date | 48 "I didn't have to meet her kids". | 48 "A bigger diamond". |
| Definition Of A Successful Date | 66 "Got home alive". | 66 "Home Alone". |
| Favorite Fantasy | 17 getting to third | 17 tall, dark and handsome |
| Favorite Fantasy | 25 airplane sex | 25 tall, dark and handsome with money |
| Favorite Fantasy | 35 menage a trois | 35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain |
| Favorite Fantasy | 48 taking the company public | 48 a man with hair |
| Favorite Fantasy | 66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave | 66 a man |
| What's The Ideal Age To Get Married? | 17 25 | 17 17 |
| What's The Ideal Age To Get Married? | 25 35 | 25 25 |
| What's The Ideal Age To Get Married? | 35 48 | 35 35 |
| What's The Ideal Age To Get Married? | 48 66 | 48 48 |
| What's The Ideal Age To Get Married? | 66 17 | 66 66 |
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