DATELINE: Washington, D. C.

Press Conference

Barack Hussein Obama's left hand man announced that the President of the United States would be undergoing surgery in the near future. The President planned on having his right arm and right leg amputated. He also planned on having his right eye, right lung, right ... removed. The president felt this move was necessary to provide an image of a fair, balanced and unbiased individual who can represent all his supporters.

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