BUMPER STICKERS

Lemmings for Obama.

Hey, Barack! We'll lay off your wife as soon as she shuts up.

Vote Comrade Obama.

NoBama.

Obama is Dope.

Obama. The audacity of hype.

Obama. The audacity of bullshit.

Warning: Bitter Lutheran Clinging to Gun.

Typical Bitter White Person for McCain.

Vote for McCain: Keep the Change.

McCain: Never Threw Grandma Under the Bus.

Obama: Supported by more terrorists than any other American politician.

TAXES

"Now, [Obama and Biden] tell us not to worry about their tax increases. They tell you they're not going to tax your family. No, they're just going to tax 'businesses.' So, unless you buy something from a business, like groceries or clothes or gasoline - or unless you get a paycheck from a business - don't worry, it's not going to affect you!"
- Fred Thompson

One reason you hear so few jokes about Obama is the threat of a special, Windbag Profits Tax on profiteers who take advantage of the shortage.

Robin Hood took from the rich and gave to the poor.
Barack Obama takes from the middle class and sticks it to the poor.

Q: Why does Barack want higher taxes?
A: Cause he won’t be the one paying them.

Q: Why did Barack Obama cross the road?
A: To tax the other side.

LIGHT

Q: Why doesn't the Church of Obama Messiah light candles?
A: Obama wants to keep his followers in the dark.

Q: How many Obamas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it has to be a change the light bulb can believe in.
- Craig Kenworthy, Bozeman, MT

Q: How many Barack Obamas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Barack simply hopes, and the light bulb changes itself.

Q: How many Barack Obamas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. He just glows with enthusiasm and lights up the room.

Q: How many Barack Obamas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. He just gushes about hope and the mainstream media stumble all over themselves to change it for him.

Q: How many Barack Obamas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him to screw it in.

Q: How many Barack Obamas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the bulb and calls it change you can believe in.

Q: How many Obama supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. YOU are the change.
- Mark Katz

RANDOM Q: and A:

Q: Why is Oprah supporting Obama?
A: She has a history of supporting frauds.

Q: What do Barack Obama and Pamela Anderson's breasts have in common?
A: They're fakes, but some people still can't get enough of them.

Q: What made Barack help a Chicago slumlord to victimize the poor?
A: The check.

Q: What's the problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Q: Why are there so few real Barack Obama jokes?
A: Most of them are true stories.

Q: What's the difference between Pinocchio and Barack Obama?
A: Obama's nose doesn't grow when he lies.

Q: Candidate Obama has been telling us, "Yes We Can." What will President Obama tell us?
A: "Yes You Will."

Q: Why did Barack Obama decide to be a lawyer?
A: He didn’t want to have to work for a living.

Q: What is a lawyer gone bad called?
A: Senator Obama.

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: Deductible.

Q: Why did Barack Obama register to run for office as a Democrat?
A: The Communist Party doesn’t have enough voters.

Q: Why won’t Barack Obama’s presidential jet be flight worthy?
A: It will only have a left wing.

Q: Why won't Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A: It got mixed in with his Rezko mortgage records and shredded.

Q: Why did Obama think that he had campaigned in 57 states?
A: His heavy pot use has left him a brownie short of a full pan.

Q: What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A: They're both friends with terrorists who bombed the Pentagon.

Q: Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American flag?
A: It was ours.

Q: Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A: He thought Barry sounded too American.

Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Barack Obama.

Q: Why is Jimmy Carter campaigning hard for Obama?
A: Because it's Carter's one shot to avoid going down in history as the worst president ever.

Q: Why will Senator Hillary Clinton vote for Barack Obama?
A: Because he stole the primary election fair and square.

Q: Why will Jane Fonda vote for Barack Obama?
A: Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.

Q: Why will Ho Chi Minh vote for Barack Obama?
A: Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.

Q: Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
A: Because he's running out of George Bush jokes.

Q: Why will David Letterman vote for Barack Obama?
A: Because he's running out of Jay Leno's George Bush jokes.

Q: Why will Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?
A: Because she's running out of other crazy things to do.

Q: Why will Senator Ted Kennedy vote for Barack Obama?
A: Brain tumor.

Q: Will Senator Larry Craig vote for Barack Obama?
A: He'll stall first.

Q: How will Osama Bin Laden vote for Barack Obama?
A: Absentee ballot.

Q: Why will terrorist Bill Ayers vote for Barack Obama?
A: Bill thinks Obama's the bomb.

Q: Why will sharks vote for Barack Obama?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What did Barack Obama ask when he learned that Russia invade Georgia?
A: Is South Carolina next?

Q: What's the difference between Sarah Palin and Barack Obama?
A: One is a well dressed, attractive piece of eye-candy. The other kills her own food.

Q: What does Obama say when you sneeze around him?
A: I bless you.

Q: What happens when Obama mentions his relationship with Saul Alinsky?
A: He turns red.

Q: Have you seen the new bumper sticker?
A: It's Obama bin Biden.

Q: What's the difference between Osama bin Laden and Obama bin Biden?
A: With Obama bin Biden, you get two for the price of one.

Q: What did Obama say when the Reverend Jeremiah Wright asked if he was listening during his sermons?
A: "I'm all ears."

Q: Why didn’t Obama notice all of the terrible things Pastor Wright was saying?
A: He was too busy polishing his halo.

Q: Speaking of ears, what's the difference between Barack Obama and Dumbo?
A: Dumbo is smarter than he looks.

Q: Why did Barack Obama cross the road?
A: To help the other side.

Q: Why did John McCain cross the road?
A: He didn't. He got to the middle and stopped.

Q: Why won't Obama laugh at himself?
A: He doesn't want to be accused of being a racist.

Q: Why won't Obama drink Pepsi?
A: He wrote in his book that he prefers Coke.

Q: Why is Obama so skinny?
A: He has to stay light on his feet to walk on water.

Q: Where did Obama decry the influence of money on politics?
A: Barbara Streisand’s $28,500 a plate dinner.

Q: What do Miley Cyrus and Barack Obama have in common?
A: They both attract young people with mindless verses.

Q: What’s the difference between Michelle Obama and pit bull?
A: Pit bulls aren’t angry *all* the time.

Q: What do the Leaning Tower of Pisa and Barack Obama have in common?
A: Both are shifting to the Right.

Q: Obama and Hillary were in a plane going to do a campaign together ... the plane crashes over the ocean, and they're both drowning ... Who gets saved?
A: AMERICA.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Unnerved by a tough question from a 7-year old about whether or not war is ever justified, Obama struggled to come up with an answer. Finally, he allowed that he would probably have supported World War II, reluctantly. "After the Germans dropped The Bomb on Pearl Harbor, President Truman really didn't have much choice but to declare war," said the Senator.

As part of the "Spare Change America Can Believe In" program, the Obama campaign today announced a plan to increase the number of states to 62. According to the press release, the plan would add five additional states, "We're going to bring in all three Canadian provinces, plus Alaska and Idahoe."

Interesting fact: If you add John McCain's age and Barack Obama's age together you'll get the number of times Obama usually says "uh" when answering a question.

Obama is proposing a Fairness in bowling bill. Nobody gets a 300 but then again nobody gets a 34 either.

Any candidate that John McCain picks to be his vice president will necessarily be a younger candidate than he is. Any candidate Barack Obama picks to be his vice president will necessarily be better candidate than he is.

It's a hard election for conservatives this year. They'll have to hold their noses tight in order to cast a vote for John McCain. But they'll have to hold on even tighter to their wallets if Obama gets elected.

People worry that John McCain, if elected, might not last four years due to his age. Others worry that America, if Barak Obama is elected, might not last four years due to his policies.

And just when I thought we couldn't possibly ever have a President dumber than Bush, Obama shows up. Go figure.

"After eight years of Bush I am not in a joking mood." Then Obambi is certainly the candidate for you. If elected, he will make sure no one jokes again. Right after he makes what you eat and drive acceptable to the Third World.

QUOTES

Barack Obama continues to criticize John McCain's economic plan. McCain would like to criticize Obama's plan, but nobody knows what it is yet.
- Jay Leno

The stock market was up 400 points today, or as the Democrats call it,­ terrible news.
- Jay Leno

"Obama's people are trying to portray McCain as cranky, and McCain is trying to portray Obama as arrogant. And when Obama was asked what he thought about being called arrogant, he said he was 'above having to answer that question.'"
- Jay Leno

"They’re saying that Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. But don’t worry,he has a plan. He’s going to go back to campaigning in Europe."
- David Letterman

"See Barack Obama on the news? He's becoming a workout fanatic? He's at the gym, like, twice a day, sometimes three times a day at the gym, yeah, according to his staff. Well, he has to stay in shape to do those flip-flops."
- Jay Leno

"They really love Barack Obama in Germany. He's like a rock star over there. Impressive until you realize that David Hasselhoff is also like a rock star over there."
- Jimmy Kimmel

"Barack Obama said Sarah Palin pretends to be against earmarks when she lobbied for them and John McCain pretends to be against lobbyists when they run his campaign. That's politics. Barack Obama pretends to be black and Joe Biden pretends to have hair."
- Argus Hamilton

"Both McCain and Senator Barack Obama are trying to woo voters who are outside their natural demographic. In this election, for Senator Obama, that means trying to reach working class, non-Muslim white women who love America."­
- Jon Stewart

"Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind."
- Jay Leno

"After a quick meet-and-greet with King Abdullah, Obama was off to Israel, where he made a quick stop at the manger in Bethlehem where he was born."
- Jon Stewart, on Barack Obama's Middle East trip

"Today Barack Obama made history by being the first man to travel in a plane propelled by the media’s flash photography."
­ - Stephen Colbert

"Obama said he wanted to visit Iraq and Afghanistan because he wanted to see an area overrun by violent extremists. So it sounds like he already misses his old church."
- Jay Leno

"Joe Biden is Barack Obama's running mate. Yeah, nothing says change like a guy who's been in the Senate for 35 years."
- David Letterman

"Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser."
- Jay Leno

"Barack Obama is very concerned about the global threat posed by melting ice in the South Pole. So he's come up with a solution: direct negotiations with Antarctica."
- Howard Mortman

"I refer to him as B. Hussein Obama. He’s half white and half black, half Christian and half Muslim and half atheist. Something there for every Democrat."
- Ann Coulter

The other day the plane that Barack Obama was on had some mechanical difficulties and was forced to land. Well, the National Transportation Safety Board did an inspection on the plane, and you know what they found? The bolts on the plane were fine, but apparently Jesse Jackson had taken some of the nuts off."
- Jay Leno

Giving money and power to Barack Obama is like giving liquor and car keys to a teenage boy. (Tip o’ the hat to P. J. O’Rourke)

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