From this morning's "Age," the Melbourne daily paper: An English music magazine reports that a feminist group has asked radio stations to ban the Beach Boys' song "California Girls" because its lyrics are "patronising, demeaning and inapropriate."

So, we have rewritten it for the nineties ...

California Girls (1965)

Well, east coast girls are hip
I really dig the styles they wear.
And the Southern girls
with the way they talk,
they knock me out when I'm down there.

The midwest farmers' daughters
really make me feel all right.
And the northern girls
with the way they kiss,
they keep their boyfriends warm at night.

I wish they all could be California girls.

California Sisters (1997)

Females on the east coast are socially aware
I greatly admire their dress sense.
And females south of the Mason-Dixon line,
because of their idiosyncratic speech patterns,
leave me incredulous whenever I visit.

Those women born to land owners and tillers
imbue in me a wonderful sense of well being.
And young women residing in northern states,
with the singular manner of their intimate facial contact,
help young males of their acquaintance maintain appropriate
body temperatures when persistent evening chills threaten,
social mores notwithstanding.

In my opinion, they would all make excellent residents of California.

[Editor's Note: This is a mere *translation* of the words. To make the song *really* PC, we need to translate the meaning, too ...] California Womyn (1997, PC)

Well, east coast womyn are socially aware
as are their counterparts everywhere else.
And womyn south of the Mason-Dixon line,
because of their regionally-enhanced speech patterns,
leave men even more clueless than they normally are.

Those womyn born to land owners and tillers
imbue in men a wonderful sense of well being,
as do all their equals around the world.
And womyn of all ages residing in northern states,
with the singular manner of their intimate facial contact,
help young males of their acquaintance maintain appropriate
body temperatures when persistent evening chills threaten.
Of course, the whole "I'm cold" thing is really just an excuse.
Nor will we mention that those males have ONE THING on their
stability-challenged little minds.

In my opinion, all womyn are just fine right where they are.

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