NaSPA Technical Support Magazine, February 1998, volume 6, number 2

'Twas The Night Before 2000, by Michael A. Klanica
copyright 1998 Michael A. Klanica

'Twas the night before 2000 and all through the tower,
applications were failing, more by the hour.
The programs were running on the mainframe with care,
in hope that the millennium bug was not there.

The programmers were seated in front of their PCs,
while visions of blank paychecks danced in their heads.
With Amy in her office and I at my desk,
we had just settled down for a night with no rest.

When up on my screen there arose such a ding,
I sprang from my chair screaming ... "I didn't touch a thing!"
Away from my computer I ran real quick,
tore open the drawer and picked up a stick.

I glared at the PC, evil and mean,
then I realized ... it's just a machine.
What to my wondering eyes should I see,
but a miniature window, and a message for me.

With my tired eyes, I gave a glance,
only hours left ... we don't have a chance!
More rapid than eagles the languages fell,
and we whistled, and shouted, and called them with a yell;

"Now COBOL! now, NATURAL, Batch and On-Line!
Oh FORTRAN! Oh SAS! Now CHORE went flat-line!"
From the front of my face, to the face of the wall,
now bash away! bash away! bash away all!

As the team gathered together for one last try,
the word from management came ... "Fix it or die!"
So they sat in their chairs, in the up-right position,
with a desk full of work, and a nasty disposition!

And then, in a dinging, I heard the speaker mention,
"Attention, the building, Attention."
As he tried to speak the next word,
the crashing of the mainframe is all we heard.

The programs were a mess, from start to end.
My screen was tarnished with an ugly abend.
The team assembled, into one huge pack,
we looked like hungry wolves, ready to attack.

Our eyes - how they twinkled!
Our fingers typed with a clank.
Fix Payroll we said,
because our paychecks were blank!

The sweat on my face was falling like rain,
while the coding of COBOL drove me insane!
The stump of a pencil I held tight in my hand,
I chewed nervously, hoping I would not get canned!

I coded some Windows and a Bridge too,
that took a program from version one to two.
I was tired, weak, and in a delusional state,
and I laughed when I saw it, in spite of fate.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon let me know that bug was not dead!
It spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
crashing the remaining programs, then turned with a jerk.

I placed the cursor next to the bug,
and pressed the delete key, removing the little thug.
Bit I heard it exclaim, as I erased the line,
"Happy Millennium for now, cause I'll return in 9999!"

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