A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but here is a way of putting that figure into perspective:
A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate Washington spends it.

Anyone familiar with modern politics knows that Republicans and Democrats regularly vie with each other to see who can be more economically illiterate, ...
- William L. Anderson

Economic illiteracy has always been a hallmark of government, and the current set of actors in Washington, DC is no exception.
- William L. Anderson

When in doubt, Congress makes something a crime.
- William L. Anderson

But, when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security.
- Declaration of Independence

When they took the 4th Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs.
When they took the 6th Amendment, I was quiet because I am innocent.
When they took the 2nd Amendment, I was quiet because I don't own a gun.
Now they have taken the 1st Amendment, and I can only be quiet.
- Lyle Myhr

As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
- H.L. Mencken 1880 - 1956

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated: but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.
- C.S. Lewis

I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman.
- Bruce Baum

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
- John Adams

President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again.
- Jay Leno

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
- Jay Leno

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
- Laurence J. Peter

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Sure you can trust the American government! Just ask an Indian!

Love your country, but never trust its government.
- Robert A. Heinlein

The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men.
- Plato

There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress.
- Mark Twain

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the congress is in session.
- Mark Twain

Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.
- Mark Twain

All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.
- Mark Twain

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

A politician solves every problem before election but very few after.
- Richard. H. DeRoy

The first law of politics:
Never say anything in a national campaign that anyone might remember.
- Eugene McCarthy

Politics is the art of splitting a cake in a way that everyone thinks that he took the biggest share.
- Laurence Peter

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
- Albert Einstein

The prestige of government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably by the Prohibition law. For nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced. It is an open secret that the dangerous increase of crime in this country is closely connected with this.
- Albert Einstein

Today's problems cannot be solved by thinking the way we thought when we created them.
- Albert Einstein

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
- Pat Paulsen

Remember to vote early -- and often.
- Al Capone

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Sir Winston Churchill

It fascinates me that American naturalization law incorporates "good moral character" as a prerequisite for citizenship but no such legal standard is expected of those who govern our citizens.
- Chuck Norris

Good morals precede good laws, which is why government isn't much help.
- Chuck Norris

The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.
- Will Rogers

Things in our country run in spite of the government, not by the aid of it.
- Will Rogers

I'm not a member of any organized political party. I'm a Democrat.
- Will Rogers

There is good news from Washington today. The Congress is deadlocked and can't act.
- Will Rogers

You see, in Washington they have these bodies, Senate and the House of Representatives. That is for the convenience of the visitors. If there is nothing funny happening in one, there is sure to be in the other, and in case one body passes a good bill, why, the other can see it in time and kill it.
- Will Rogers

Diplomats are just as essential in starting a war as soldiers are in finishing it.
- Will Rogers

If the gods had meant us to vote, they would have given us candidates.
--Jim Hightower, radio commentator and author

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
- Ambrose Bierce

Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
- Ambrose Bierce

Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
- Ambrose Bierce

An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
- Ambrose Bierce

Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
- Ambrose Bierce

Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
- Ambrose Bierce

Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
- Ambrose Bierce

If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd every time, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side.
- Orson Scott Card

There ain't no ticks like poly-ticks. Bloodsuckers all.
- Davy Crockett

Politics - from the words "poly", meaning "many", and "ticks", as in "small, blood-sucking parasites".

You know what happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller.
- The Dukes of Hazard

Any government, by it's own nature, is a criminal enterprise.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he'd say we were stopping for ice.

Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.

Crime is merely politics without the excuses.

An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

A lie: A truth built to government specifications.
- The Cynical Pessimest

All politicians lie all the time.
They lie about what they will do when the get elected.
They lie about what they are doing when they are in office.
They lie about what they did when they are no longer in office.
When they die, they lie underground.
- The Cynical Pessimest

I used to think that all politicians were just stupid. But the more I followed politics, the more I discovered that they are also greedy and evil!
- The Cynical Pessimest

All politicians are evil, corrupt, lying, cheating, ... morons.
But I mean that in a good way.
- The Cynical Pessimest

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!

If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.

Minimum wage for politicians.

A taxpayer voting for a Democrat is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.

What can you say about Liberals that hasn't already been said about hemorrhoids?

Senate, n.: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

For every action, there is an equal but opposite government program.

There should be a two term limit for all politicians. The first in office, and the second in prison.

Sign on the back of a septic tank truck:
CAUTION - This Truck is Full of Political Promises.

Southern Border Problem
Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border, use the dirt to raise the levies in New Orleans and put the Florida alligators into the moat.

Q: How can you tell when a politician lies?
A: His lips move.

Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common?
A: They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

Q: Why is it hard to draw a line between two politicians?
A: Because neither of them have a point.

Q: Why is a government worker like a shotgun with a broken firing pin?
A: It won't work and you can't fire it.

There are less than eight months until the election -- an election that will decide the next President of the United States. The person elected will be the President of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans. To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike.

If you support the policies and character of John McCain, please drive with your headlights on during the day.

If you support Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton, please drive with your headlights off at night.

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