Based up their recent stances, A.C.L.U. may actually mean:
Athiests Criminals Liberals Unite
Associated Criminals Liberation Unit
American Civil Liberies Undermined

We find two great gangs of political speculators, who alternately take possession of the state power and exploit it by the most corrupt means for the most corrupt ends - the nation is powerless against these two great cartels of politicians who are ostensibly its servants, but in reality dominate and plunder it.
- Friedrich Engels

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Hey, great idea ... the guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.

Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
- Lord Acton

The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.
- Lord Acton, letter to Mary Gladstone, 24 April 1881

Those who cast the votes decide nothing.
Those who count the votes decide everything.
- Josef Stalin

What experience and history teach is this: that peoples and governments have never learned anything from history.
- Hegel

If human beings are fundamentally good, no government is necessary; if they are fundamentally bad, any government, being composed of human beings, would be bad also.
- Fred Woodworth, The Match!, No. 79

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.
- Alan Coren

The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
- National Review

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but here is a way of putting that figure into perspective:
A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate Washington spends it.

Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.
- Richard Lamm

definition
Marxist: a sociopathic, manipulative liar who pretends to favor the working class, while actually exploiting them and protecting the interests of the elite.

Marxism: the opiate of the asses.

Communism: From each according to his gullibility, to each according to his greed.
- Henry Fairlie

Watermelon Marxist: Green on the outside, red on the inside.

Liberal Motto: We're not happy until you're not happy!

Don't forget to pay your taxes. Over 50% of the people and 12 million illegal aliens are depending on you!

Calling an illegal alien an undocumented immigrant is like calling a drug dealer an unlicensed pharmacist.

I am a republican because not everybody can be on welfare!

Work harder. Millions on welfare depend on you!

"Military Intelligence" used to be my favorite oxymoron. Now it's "Jobless Recovery".

Politics itself is nothing but an attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You cannot spend your way out of recession or borrow your way out of debt.
- Daniel Hannan

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
- Edward Langley

You may be surprised to discover you're rich, especially if you're broke.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Welcome to the new America. Now called: The American Socialist States, or A.S.S. for short.

10 out of 10 terrorists are voting democrat.

Stop Global Whining.
Kill a Democrat!

If the democrats didn't have a double standard, they wouldn't have any standard at all.

Anyone familiar with modern politics knows that Republicans and Democrats regularly vie with each other to see who can be more economically illiterate, ...
- William L. Anderson

Economic illiteracy has always been a hallmark of government, and the current set of actors in Washington, DC are no exception.
- William L. Anderson

Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one.
- Thomas Paine

When in doubt, Congress makes something a crime.
- William L. Anderson

But, when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security.
- Declaration of Independence

The ten most dangerous words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government, and I'm here to help." Ask a Katrina survivor.
- P.J. O'Rourke

When they took the 4th Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs.
When they took the 6th Amendment, I was quiet because I am innocent.
When they took the 2nd Amendment, I was quiet because I don't own a gun.
Now they have taken the 1st Amendment, and I can only be quiet.
- Lyle Myhr

As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
- H.L. Mencken 1880 - 1956

The average American legislator [who] is not only an ass but also an oblique, sinister, depraved and knavish fellow.
- H.L. Mencken 1880 - 1956

Politicians: men who, at some time or other, have compromised with their honour, either by swallowing their convictions or by whooping for what they believe to be untrue.
- H.L. Mencken 1880 - 1956

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated: but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.
- C.S. Lewis

I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman.
- Bruce Baum

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
- John Adams

President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again.
- Jay Leno

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
- Jay Leno

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
- Emma Goldman

In most places in he country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.
- Dick Gregory

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
- Laurence J. Peter

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Did you hear the one about two politicians who were talking to each other:
One asked the other, "What did you say?"
The other replied "I didn't say anything. I was just talking."

Love your country, but never trust its government.
- Robert A. Heinlein

The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men.
- Plato

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
- Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Following the Equator, 1897

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the congress is in session.
- Mark Twain

Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.
- Mark Twain

All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.
- Mark Twain

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

The only way for a newspaperman to look at a politician is down.
- Mark Twain

The finest Congress money can buy.
- Mark Twain

A politician solves every problem before election but very few after.
- Richard. H. DeRoy

The first law of politics:
Never say anything in a national campaign that anyone might remember.
- Eugene McCarthy

Politics is the art of splitting a cake in a way that everyone thinks that he took the biggest share.
- Laurence Peter

The liberties of a people never were, nor ever will be, secure, when the transactions of their rulers may be concealed from them.
- Patrick Henry

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
- Bertrand Russell

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
- Albert Einstein

The prestige of government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably by the Prohibition law. For nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced. It is an open secret that the dangerous increase of crime in this country is closely connected with this.
- Albert Einstein

Today's problems cannot be solved by thinking the way we thought when we created them.
- Albert Einstein

If a man sneaks into your home he is a burglar, not an undocumented tenant you must provide for!

Sure you can trust the American government! Just ask an American Indian!

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
- Pat Paulsen

Immigration
If you think allowing illegal immigrants entry into this country is good, just ask an American Indian what he think of his country after allowing white man into his country for a few hundred years?
- The Cynical Pessimist

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
- Henry A. Kissinger

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
- Henry A. Kissinger

Ninety nine percent of the politicians give the other one percent a bad reputation.
- The Cynical Pessimist

Remember to vote early -- and often.
- Al Capone

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
- George Bernard Shaw

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen.
- George MacDonald

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Sir Winston Churchill

If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law.
- Sir Winston Churchill

It fascinates me that American naturalization law incorporates "good moral character" as a prerequisite for citizenship but no such legal standard is expected of those who govern our citizens.
- Chuck Norris

Good morals precede good laws, which is why government isn't much help.
- Chuck Norris

The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.
- Will Rogers

Things in our country run in spite of the government, not by the aid of it.
- Will Rogers

I'm not a member of any organized political party. I'm a Democrat.
- Will Rogers

There is good news from Washington today.
The Congress is deadlocked and can't act.
- Will Rogers

You see, in Washington they have these bodies, Senate and the House of Representatives. That is for the convenience of the visitors. If there is nothing funny happening in one, there is sure to be in the other, and in case one body passes a good bill, why, the other can see it in time and kill it.
- Will Rogers

Diplomats are just as essential in starting a war as soldiers are in finishing it.
- Will Rogers

If we have Senators and Congressmen there that can't protect themselves against the evil temptations of lobbyists, we don't need to change our lobbies, we need to change our representatives.
- Will Rogers

That's what a Congressman or a Senator is for -- to see that too much money don't accumulate in the national Treasury.
- Will Rogers

It sure did kick up some excitement in the Senate when one Senator called the other Senators 'sons of Wild jackasses.' Well, if you thought it made the Senators hot, you wait till you see what happens when the jackasses hear how they have been slandered.
- Will Rogers

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
- Will Rogers

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
- Will Rogers

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
- Will Rogers

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
- Will Rogers

Doubling down on stupid is not a particularly good idea.
- Andrew Breitbart

If the gods had meant us to vote, they would have given us candidates.
--Jim Hightower, radio commentator and author

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
- Ambrose Bierce

Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
- Ambrose Bierce

Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
- Ambrose Bierce

An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
- Ambrose Bierce

Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
- Ambrose Bierce

Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
- Ambrose Bierce

Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
- Ambrose Bierce

In politics nothing is contemptible.
- Benjamin Disraeli

If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd every time, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side.
- Orson Scott Card

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.
- Kin Hubbard

There ain't no ticks like poly-ticks. Bloodsuckers all.
- Davy Crockett

Politics - from the words "poly", meaning "many", and "ticks", as in "small, blood-sucking parasites".

You know what happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller.
- The Dukes of Hazard

The worst thing in this world, next to anarchy, is government.
- Rev. Henry Ward Beecher

Decency, security, and liberty alike demand that government officials shall be subjected to the same rules of conduct that are commands to the citizen... If the government becomes a lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for law; it invites every man to become a law unto himself; it invites anarchy.
- Justice Louis D. Brandeis

I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time.
- H. L. Mencken

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
- H. L. Mencken

Democracy is simply a battle of charlatans for the votes of idiots.
- H. L. Mencken

It is cheaper to buy legislatures than to buy voters.
- Albert Nock

The purpose of government is to rein in the rights of the people.
- Bill Clinton

If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.
- Robert Schaeberle

What we have now is democracy without citizens. No one is on the public's side. All the buyers are on the corporation's side. And the bureaucrats in the administration don't think the government belongs to the people.
- Ralph Nader

Government machinery has been described as a marvelous labor saving device which enables ten men to do the work of one.
- John Maynard Keynes

A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members.
- David B. Coblitz

Every bureaucrat has a constitutional right to fuzzify, profundify and drivilate. It's a part of our freedom of speech... If people can understand what is being said in Washington, they might want to take over their own government again.
- Dr. Jim Boren

Bureaucracy is the epoxy that greases the wheels of progress.
- Dr. Jim Boren

When in charge, ponder... When in trouble, delegate... When in doubt, mumble.
- Dr. Jim Boren

Is it any wonder, why the approval ratings of the Congress go up every time we go into recess?
- Sen. Robert C. Byrd

Corruption is no stranger to Washington; it is a famous resident.
- Walter Goodman

Talk is cheap -- except when Congress does it.
- Cullen Hightower

The mistakes made by Congress wouldn't be so bad if the next Congress didn't keep trying to correct them.
- Cullen Hightower

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
- Clarence Darrow

Welcome to the U.S. Capitol: Watch for falling expectations.
- Wiley Miller

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'present' or 'not guilty.'
- Theodore Roosevelt

No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
- Judge Gideon J. Tucker

The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.
- Voltaire

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
- Simon Cameron

You know your country is dying when you have to make a distinction between what is moral and ethical, and what is legal.
- John De Armond

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves.
- Bertrand de Jouvenel

Every actual state is corrupt. Good men must not obey laws too well.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you have.
- Barry Goldwater

Government has nothing to give anybody, except when it first takes from somebody else.

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things bought and sold are legislators.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
- Ronald Reagan

"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"
- Ronald Reagan

If politicians don't respect the law, why should citizens respect politicians?
- Debra Saunders

To call Congress emasculated is to insult eunuchs.
- David C. Stolinsky

Laws are like cobwebs which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through.
- Jonathan Swift

The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws.
- Cornelius Tacitus

You can't get rich in politics unless you're a crook.
- Harry S. Truman

Which must be why so many politicians are rich!
- The Cynical Pessimist

This country is supposed to be of the people, by the people and for the people.
Now it is of the crooks, by the crooks and for the crooks.
- Charlie Daniels

I have come to the conclusion that almost all politicians are dishonest and say things for political expediency rather than telling the truth.
- Charlie Daniels

All politicians are liars, bums and cheats.
- Moe Tucker

The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other peoples' money.
- Margaret Thatcher

The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism, but under the name of liberalism, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program until one day America will be a socialist nation without ever knowing how it happened.
- Norman Thomas, U.S. Presidential candidate for the Socialist Party of America

If human beings are fundamentally good, no government is necessary; if they are fundamentally bad, any government, being composed of human beings, would be bad also.
- Fred Woodworth

In the absence of justice, what is sovereignty but organized robbery?
- Saint Augustine

Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses.

Any government, by it's own nature, is a criminal enterprise.

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
- Robert Orben

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

Taxation with representation ain't so hot either.
- Gerald Barzan

Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.

Crime is merely politics without the excuses.

An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

A lie: A truth built to government specifications.
- The Cynical Pessimist

All politicians lie all the time.
They lie about what they will do when the get elected.
They lie about what they are doing when they are in office.
They lie about what they did when they are no longer in office.
When they are deadn and buried, they lie underground.
- The Cynical Pessimist

I used to think that all politicians were just stupid. But the more I followed politics, the more I discovered that they are also greedy and evil!
- The Cynical Pessimist

All politicians are evil, corrupt, lying, cheating, ... morons.
But I mean that in a good way.
- The Cynical Pessimist

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
- Paul Harvey

If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.

Minimum wage for politicians.

A taxpayer voting for a Democrat is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.

What can you say about Liberals that hasn't already been said about hemorrhoids?

Senate, n.: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high crimes and misdemeanors.

For every action, there is an equal but opposite government program.

The government solution to a problem is usually as bad as the problem.
- Milton Friedman

The government solution to a problem is always worse than the problem.
- The Cynical Pessimist

Thee essence of being a liberal: "The absolute conviction that there is one set of rules for you, and another, completely different set of rules for everyone else".
- Ann Coulter

The best things in life are free until the government finds out and taxes them.

The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to live under the laws they've passed.

There should be a two term limit for all politicians. The first term in office, and the second term in prison.

Sign on the back of a septic tank truck:
CAUTION - This Truck is Full of Political Promises.

Southern Border Problem
Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border, use the dirt to raise the levies in New Orleans and put the Florida alligators into the moat.

Global Warming.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass!

Describe the $700B bailout in 3 sentences or less.
On their way up they robbed our parents.
While on top they robbed us.
On their way down they robbed our children.

The latest telephone poll taken by the California Governor's office asked whether people who live in California think illegal immigration is a serious problem:
29% responded, "Yes, it is a serious problem."
71% responded, "No es una problema serioso."

T.S.A., TSA, is supposed to stand for Transportation Security Administration. Howver, the TSA is doing such a bad job of protecting Americans from terrorist it is commonly thought to stand for:
Total Sexual Assault.
Touches Sensitive Areas.
Truly Scandalous Actions.
Thousands Standing Around.
Thousands of Stupid Answers.
Theatrics Stupidity and Apathy.
Terrorists Screenings Amok.
Terrorist Sympathetic Agency.

D.H.S., DHS stands for Dunces of Homeland Security
D.H.S., DHS stands for Department of Homeland Scams.

F.B.I., FBI stands for Fumbling Bureaucratic Idiots
F.B.I., FBI stands for Famous But Incompetent.

C.I.A., CIA stands for Comical Incompetence Agency.

S.E.C., SEC stands for Sex Enthralled Consumers.

P.E.T.A. PETA stands for People Enthusiastically Terminating Animals.
P.E.T.A. PETA stands for People Eating Tasty Animals.

An early update regarding Christmas in our nation's capital for 2009.
I wanted to leak the story early so everyone fully understands.

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States' Capital this Christmas season . This isn't for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capital. A search for a Virgin continues. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

Q: How can you tell when a government employee lies?
A: The lips move.

Q: How can you tell when a politician lies?
A: The lips move.

Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common?
A: They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

Q: Why is it hard to draw a line between two politicians?
A: Because neither of them have a point.

Q: Why is a government worker like a shotgun with a broken firing pin?
A: It won't work and you can't fire it.

Q: What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican?
A: The Republicans sometimes double-cross the voters. Democrats always double-cross the voters.

Q: When does a liberal approve of racial profiling?
A: When it’s called affirmative action.

1. Free people are not equal, and equal people are not free.

2. What belongs to you, you tend to take care of; what belongs to no one or everyone tends to fall into disrepair.

3. Sound policy requires that we consider long-run effects and all people, not simply short-run effects and a few people.

4. If you encourage something, you get more of it; if you discourage something, you get less of it.

5. Nobody spends somebody else's money as carefully as he spends his own.

6. Government has nothing to give anybody except what it first takes from somebody, and a government that's big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take away everything you've got.

7. Liberty makes all the difference in the world.

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