New Accounting Acronyms/Definations
CPA = Current Prison Address
or
CPA = Clean Press and Alter
MBA = Master of Bogus Accounting
or
MBA = Must Be Arrested
EBITDA = Earnings Before I Tricked The Dumb Auditor
EBIT = Earnings Before Irregularities and Tampering
CEO = Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO = Corporate Fraud Officer
NAV = Normal Andersen Valuation
EPS = Eventual Prison Sentence
VHIA = Visit Him\Her in Alcatraz
BULL MARKET = A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET = An extended period when kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING = The art of buying low, and selling lower.
P/E RATIO = The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market goes lower.
BROKER = What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR = My life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST = Idiot who just downgraded my stock.
STOCK SPLIT = When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets between them.
FINANCIAL PLANNER = A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION = The day after I buy stocks.
CASH FLOW = The movement my money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO = What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker.
WINDOWS 2000 = What you jump out of when you are the poor sucker above.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR = Last year's investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT = an archaic word, no longer in use.
401K = now known as only a 201K.
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