INTERNET HUMOR PAGES

New Accounting Acronyms/Definations

CPA = Current Prison Address
or
CPA = Clean Press and Alter

MBA = Master of Bogus Accounting
or
MBA = Must Be Arrested

EBITDA = Earnings Before I Tricked The Dumb Auditor

EBIT = Earnings Before Irregularities and Tampering

CEO = Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO = Corporate Fraud Officer

NAV = Normal Andersen Valuation

EPS = Eventual Prison Sentence

VHIA = Visit Him\Her in Alcatraz

BULL MARKET = A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET = An extended period when kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING = The art of buying low, and selling lower.

P/E RATIO = The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market goes lower.

BROKER = What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR = My life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST = Idiot who just downgraded my stock.

STOCK SPLIT = When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets between them.

FINANCIAL PLANNER = A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION = The day after I buy stocks.

CASH FLOW = The movement my money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO = What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker.

WINDOWS 2000 = What you jump out of when you are the poor sucker above.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR = Last year's investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT = an archaic word, no longer in use.

401K = now known as only a 201K.

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